City City Bang Bang!*

Finally, it's out! Pardon the delay, I was just not in the right mood to write. This one is gonna be long, so, pardon that too!Anyway, let's start off with the basics trip details:

Locations: Ernakulam -> Munnar -> Thekkady -> Kumarakom
Total distance to be covered: Close to 600 kms
Time available: 5 days to be exact.
Mode of transport: Chennai -> Ernakulam => Train, To everywhere else => Qualis
Company: 2 couples and 1 stag. Total fun material.

After a 12-hour train journey to Ernakulam (11 hours of which we slept) our white Qualis met us, along with Raju- our guide cum driver. I, keeping up with tradition, was the back-seater. Which in this case was so not cool. Which meant having American Tourister trolleys for company and being the official supply cabin of the vehicle. Which also meant that it really didn't matter if I had motion sickness, I just had to hand over whatever was required whenever required. More fun material!

Destination I: Munnar
Temperature: For a Chennaiite, just the right temperature to be turned into a human popsicle.
Ok, embarassment time. I have to confess my ignorance. I don't know why or how, I always thought Munnar was one of those beachy places with an abundance of sunshine. Somehow 'Munnar' just doesn't have a hill-station-ish ring to it, like say, Kodaikanal or Ooty. Thankfully, when I was just about packing my bags, Pp 'reminded' me to carry warm clothing. And the closest to 'warm clothing' I carried along was a couple of shrugs (For those uninitiated into women's-clothing, these are those small jacket-ish things that are meant not to cover anything but just be worn anyway. And oh, both of mine had holes all over).

The trip, though, helped me to discover another of my hidden facets - getting up a mountain makes me as sick as, uhm, someone sick (I should stop trying to use similies). I've heard a lotta people tell me earlier that they tend to feel nauseous when going up and blah, but I always thought I was that 'steel-body' kinds and nothing could affect me. And so through the entire trip, the only position I could be found in, in the car, would be curled- hugging the seat with my eyes tightly shut and that weirdly pukey, groggy expression on my face. But I guess the rest of the world in that car were oblivious to my discomfort. Every now and then I would hear someone go, "Preeti? What are you doing? Why so silent? And oh yea, pass me the water". And I would mumble something incoherently and they would go, "Always sleeping. Wonder why you came for the trip!" They should be thanking their stars I wasn't well enough right then.

To top it all, our 'resort' was located somewhere close to the tip of the mountain and the only other thing we could hear at night other than our own echoes, was the slow but constant zzzhhhhhhhh of the wind through the trees. And it was LOUD! Like each tree had it's own amplifier and 3-D surround speakers or whatever. I slept in between my parents (Fine, I'm a killjoy, but in my defense, those noises were pretty eerie!) Dad fell sick and Dolz was puking through the night. So much for a 'relaxing' vacation.

We did do our share of 'sight-seeing' and 'photo-taking'. We even climbed some real high peak to spot a couple of 'wild-goats'! C'mon, they are goats!!! Incidentally, when I was passing on this 'just goats up there' information to the rest of the family, one of the officials out there happened to eavesdrop on our conversation and he immediately burst out, "It is naat justa goatsa madam! These goatsa are seen wonly here! Nowhere else in the entaayree warld you will see this, ok???So don't say 'just goats' ok??? Too bad for him I was just recuperating from the journey uphill. (My motion sickness seems to have been a blessing in disguise for a lotta people, huh?)

The rest was the usual valley, waterfall, echo point thing. I mean, what else could a mountain offer!? Yea, yea it was beautiful, picteresque and all that. Yea, every crappy picture of mine looked frame-worthy because the place was just so-damn-beautiful, but even excessive beauty could cause sore eyes! We were really glad when 2 nights after, it was time to head to Destination 2. I must say, you see one mountain, you've seen 'em all!

Destination 2: Thekkady
Temperature: Uhm, sunny but cold. Not too bad
We found Thekkady a lot better than Munnar. We reached around 12.30 pm, had lunch and wanted to check-in. But we were told by our driver that once we check in, we couldn't get out after 6 pm. We were intrigued and assumed it was because wild animals would be on their rampage or something equally exciting, but he confirmed it was nothing of the sort and had to do with political crap.

We were in a 'Tiger Reserve' with supposedly 45 tigers inside and we spotted anything but. Infact, I think all we saw (apart from killer insects) were 'Wild' Domestic animals. Like wild pig, wild buffalo, wild goats etc etc.

Me and Dolz were certain we spotted quite a large no. of UFIs here -Unidentified Flying Insects. And by large no., I mean LARGE. If in Munnar it was the noise that kept me awake, here it was the lack of it and the fear of waking up to an insect-infested body! (inspite of sleeping in between my parents!) Thankfully, we spent just one night and a couple of hours before that here.

Other stuff we did there was: Go on an early morning boat-ride (we saw a lone elephant somewhere in the distance, or so I think), watch a Kalaripayattu show (which was AWESOME really. Will try and post the videos), go to a wax museum (which had wax dolls of Mohanlal and Mammooty, which we got to know from the sign-post below. They also had aquariums and really ugly paintings on display), do a bit of shopping (for nothing really) AND do an elephant ride. This was good. Me, Dolz and Harsh atop Sankarankutty (who was anything but kutti, ie, small). A 30-minute ass-fracturing ride. But who am I to complain when I'm not the one with 200 kilos on top huh? Oh, there was also this absolutely adorableeeee 1-year old ele baby named Kannan. He was just soooooooo cute and naughty! He even caught my mum's saree with his trunk and almost did a mini Draupadi-sequence there, if not for his care-taker's rebuke. It left my mum giggling and blushing while my Dad was FURIOUS! Time now for Destination 3.

Destination 3: Kumarakom
Temperature: Hot, humid, sweaty
This is the Kerala I thought I knew. And also what I wanted to see. Coconut trees et al! We stayed on one of 'em house-boats (corrected thanks to xh). Pretty good actually. Even the food. We were really in for a surprise when the boys on the deck turned out to be really good cooks! And they made alllllll of our favorite mallu food - puttu and kadalai, pazham pori, Pomfret fry for Daddy - all of it.

I know I sound like I really liked it. I did, but not for more than a day. (Part of my liking was because I was thankful as ever to be on levelled roads and no hair-pin bends!) The initial ride across the back-waters was really nice. It even rained. But how long can you stare at a huge expanse of water!?? After a point, I was just yearningly looking at the land across. It was the thought that there was just another day to go that kept me going. But I must say, the best food and sleep that we had through the entire trip was here. (Ignoring the million mosquitoes and lizards)

Finally, it was time to get back. We pit-stopped at 2 beautiful temples - Chottanikara and Vaikom Sivan temple on the way to Ernakulam. There we met up with a couple of our realllyyyy close family friends from Bahrain and it was time for a lotta nostaligia. That done, we were all set for Chennai.

I realized that I'm a total city person. None of this wildlife, greenery stuff for me. It's all fine to a limit, but not more. I just love the noise and bustle of a city, the fast-life, the luxury- everything! I need to see people move around, not just still-life. I can get my dose of the nature stuff from Discovery& NatGeo, paintings and google and I'm totally fine with that! I'll put up photos shortly. Left them at home and didn't wanna put off posting this because of that. And oh, thank you for your patient reading. You asked for it!

Update! P.S: 1. *- The title IS a popular show on Radio City (as Scribblers Inc. pointed out) It isn't a coincidence, I used the name to express my love for the 'city' but I guess I should've included this attribution before :P
2. I've also come to the conclusion that most of you thought I had a good time. Well, I had an O.K time which definitely is not the same as good. This post was meant to be sarcastic but I guess a lot of it wasn't received. Anyway, maybe I should accept that (it sounds like) I had a good time!

No Peanuts for me Please!

I'm a very weird person really. As I've probably mentioned a million times over, I'm crazily sensitive and sometimes the weirdest of things gets on my nerves and irritates the hell outta me. One of those things is, going by the title, what is most commonly known as the F word - Flirting! (Not that F word!).

Oh, before I continue, I realized that the title relevance would be lost on those who aren't local, ie, not from Chennai. In youth-Tamil (Tamil of the youngsters), we call flirting 'Kadalai podardu'. Kadalai = peanuts, podardu = putting. Now, eating peanuts is considered a time-pass and so is a guy talking to a girl. No clue where this phrase originated and where it was used first. Most likely to be in some Engineering college and as a code-word. There are many such interesting phrases but we shall look into them as and when required, ok class..?? *laughs at own alpa (trivial) joke*
This translation game is getting konjam (little) stale..Aaaah!!!

Anyway, as I was saying, I hate being the flirtee in the entire process of Flirting. I really don't mean to come across as vain (not even close, please!) but I have been on the receiving end of some lameeeee attempts and it kinda makes me :( I've got noooo clue why!Like this one sms conversation:

Me (tensed): "Ok, so I'll send u my resume by tomorrow. Hoping for the best!"
Guy: "Haha, you are so cute"
Me: ?!?!

The history behind this guy I unforunately cannot tell, just incase, but the reason it was sooo annoying was because I know for a fact that his intention was to flirt (though he claims he is in love with me. Like yea rite!)

I just wish guys would be normal when around a girl. Whether or not they have a crush on her or are trying to get her out on a date. Not all girls fall for flattery! And also when the display of affection or care has an (obvious) underlying motive, it creeps me out.

Like when I was sick last week (with just a goddamn cold), this guy actually gave me a mini condolence talk (that's what I call it) like I had some extremely communicable disease and would just about drop-dead any second.

And then there's reassurance. The you-are-so-pretty or you're-just-perfect routine. Sometimes I wonder if my adverse reaction is because I don't like, as in like, the guy in question and whether if I did like him, maybe I wouldn't mind this. But no, that's not true. It's just that it's all so obviously flaky and fake!

Unfortunately I'm a person loaded with guilt. My Guilt is the bane of my existence, really. I feel miserable not to reply to an sms from these guys because they are friends, afterall. But at the same time, I'm extremely conscious of my intentions being misconstrued!

Friendly is fun and funny is fine, but flirty....? No, no, no!

P.S: 1. I'm not a mean girl! I'm not :-/ :(
2. Today is special. EXACTLY 1 month to go for my Birthday!

And it Continues :)

The Happy-Happy phase continues. I guess all that tension from last week is slowly fizzing out thanks to the all-pervading happiness :)

The babe is fine. He's shifted outta the ICU now. Pretty soon you think? Well, apparently inspite of the sedatives, he was sooo hyper inside that they decided it was OK to let him out :) And now that he's out, he's all raring to go. Though he does complain of pain intermittently (like obviously!), he's doing fine and blabbering non-stop! :) These are moments when I guess Ignorance is really Bliss. He doesn't know what's happening to him and all he cares about is being done with whatever's happening to him, whatever's holding him down from getting on that cycle and romping around my grandmum's place scaring those kittens away! And he'd do anything to get out of his present state (of misery).

But imagine on the other side, someone like my Mum. Paranoid about dying in her sleep. Paranoid about waking up, sitting down, walking etc etc. According to the Doc, she had one block and after her angioplasty her heart is probably in a better condition than most normal people and her chances of having another attack would be the same as any other normal person! And yet she's scared. Why? Because she 'knows' (or so she thinks), she hears, she reads, she's supposedly 'aware' and that is just about a big pain in the...wherever!

Anyway, this was meant to be about me being happy, so continuing on that note, Pp is back from Singapore :) :) :) And he got me a Tommy girl perfume. I'm super-super-happy for that. And he also got me (Ok, fine it's for Dolly) stickers - like LOADS of stickers. Disney stickers, shiney stickers, awesome stickers. WOW! Any wonder why I'm happy? :)

Next, I did some stuff to my hair again and I really like it. There's more to be done though. All this is for my Big Day!Yup, the countdown for my Birthday has begun [There is just about a month left ;)] I'm gonna be sooo busy from now on planning for my Birthday - Clothes, hair, shoes etc etc etc. Damn, I'm gonna get busy! :)

Next, the family is gonna be off on a trip! We are going to Munnar this week for 4 days. It's been ages since we went on a proper family 'vacation' => Not a temple visit. From Bahrain to Singapore to Kodaikanal, we finally settled down on Munnar. I'm pretty worried about the train journey though, because almost everytime, I come back with some skin allergy or the other and that is positively the worst thing ever! But it's ok, we are going and I'm happy because Mum and Dad need this break :)

My Boss is off for the week and there's nothing more :) than that!

P.S: 1. Okie Dokie, don't I sound a lot like you? Not the way of writing, but the extreme levels of 'everything-is-oh-so-perfect'- ness...??? Hehe...
2. I kinda find all those smileys and that over-happiness a lil gag-worthy right now. I think I just sounded too weirdly bimbo-ey up there, but I just don't know how else to express how happy I am!!!!

2 is Company, 3 a Crowd, 4 is FUN and so this TAG!

Anoo tagged me thrice (!) and Wolfie once. I'm gonna do 'em All-in-One, my way. I'm combining 6 quirks-about-me and 5 things-people-dont-know-about-me and making it 6 Whatevers About Me:

1. I've got 15 first cousins. Thanks to Grandad's favourite past-time => Mum has 10 siblings (and she's the first)

2. I'm shit scared of the dark. Which explains why I can never ever sleep alone. I would never dare to. Infact even when friends stay over, and if we ever do get around to sleeping (a rarity), I would do so only if they agree to have the lights on, or I would let them sleep and slowly walk out into my parents' room and cuddle up to Daddy.

3. On any day, at any time, if you ask me,"What's up?" I'd only say,"Nothing. It is soooooo boring!". I'm a born cribber.

4. My eyes are extremely 'power-full'. -4 and -4 to be exact. Yea, I wear lens (and glasses at home)

5. I love, collect and cherish (after stickers) pencil boxes. I've got close to 30 pencil boxes from my adult life (=> engg and MBA). And scales and pencils and sharpeners and erasers and colour pencils and water colours and brushes.

6. I dislike long hair. On me or anybody. Most of my friends would be profusely shaking their heads for this (you can stop now before it falls off). I'm alwayz the one to remind them it's time for a haircut! I would never dream or dare to have hair more than 2" below my shoulders. You should see Dolly, she's like got it down to her waist. *crinkles nose* If only she would listen!

10 Things I miss in my life right now: (In random order)
1. Pp, who is in Singapore right now. Come back soon :(
2. Being occupied
3. Being carefree
4. Being thoughtless
5. Everything about
6. College life - engineering to be specific
7. ICECREAM! And soon, mangoes :(
8. Being able to fit into many of my old clothes. Especially those jeans :(
9. Life alone (-) parents. Those into-the-wee-hours-of-the-morning talks with friends and those million stay overs and LOUD music. I love it with Dad and Mum around too, but those days were really something.
10. The good 'ol days with Aj and Andu (and the gang). Those 4 days - were entirely something else, huh? Lazying around with Lays and Pepsi, Dumbcharades, google and you-tube, Russel Peters and Grey's Anatomy, Simba hair and all those tears. Wish I could relive that for just one day. Time for next!

10 Things I Wanna Achieve (not necessarily) Within a Decade:
1. 10 kilos off in 10 years...? Or maybe more. The more the better :D
2. Get married and have 2 kids.
3. Take Mum and Dad on a World Tour. This is something I really, really wanna do.
I'm definitely short-sighted as I haven't been able to look too deep into the future! I've been sitting with my fingers frozen for the past 7 minutes, to be exact. FINE! I'll just continue!
4. Go on a roller-coaster ride. Did I mention I'm ride-averse?
5. Get 3 more tattoos. I'm not letting out what and where for fear of idea-theft.
6. I just recently pierced my ears again, so now there are 4 on the left and 3 on the right (maybe I'd put up a snap sometime) so I think that option is out. Maybe my nose again (I had pierced it once and it fortunately or unfortunately closed). But I know quite a few people who are against this :D
7. Get my hair cut real short. Boy cut kinds. It's been a dream for toooooo long. (Yes, I dream weird)
8. Just reached #8?? Oh man, this one is difficult. Hmm, oh yea, start my own restaurant.
9. Start my own boutique.
10. Go to the Himalayas. Not to surrender, but just to see the heavenly abode. I'm as pious as it gets!

Last, but not the least, The Book Tag by Adi aka Wolfdude. It comes with its own set of rules:
Pick up the nearest book.
Open to page 123.
Find the fifth sentence.
Post the next three sentences.
Tag five people, and acknowledge the person who tagged you.

I swore I'd do this asap only because the book next to me would provide a lot of interesting information which I just really wanted to share.

Book: KHANDWA MUNICIPAL CORPORATION, BID DOCUMENT, VOLUME II, PRICE OFFER-I
Page No. 123, Line 5-8 read:
'D' is duties/ excise payable per unit of electrical energy (KWH) on the date of submission of tender, if applicable. 'A' is Any other levy/ charge per unit if applicable on the date of submission of the tender. 'E' is the Amount of difference payable/ recoverable by KMC for prevailing bills of energy charges.

If you understood that, hats off to you. If you didn't, Welcome to my World. Any wonder why I hate my job? :D

Yaaay! I'm done! I'm going to go on and pat myself on my back while you guys take your time to recover from my brilliance. I tag Mayth, Wolfie, Janie, Satti, Prathiboo, Aneri, Arun (ONLY cuz I know you won't do this), Anoo, Maverick, K10, Busygurl etc etc on Tags you haven't already done from here. Take your pick. The rest of you can do it too.

Randomness at its Best

I have a lot of random stuff I wanna write about. Stuff that definitely doesn't warrant a separate post for itself, some of them updates from previous posts:

1. My baby cousin's operation: He got admitted yesterday. They haven't fixed his operation date yet. Apparently there are close to 10-20 operations happening there on a daily basis and they aren't able to find a 'slot' for him. The only thing, more than the operation itself, that everyone is worried sick about is how to keep that lil hyper-active nutcase bound to his bed for godknowshowmany days! Damn, the irony of it all.

2. Daddy's wallet: He got it back guys! I kinda forgot to put up this update actually. But yea, he got it back. He had dropped it at some shop and some guy (God Bless his soul) found it and returned it back to him, with everything intact. Nice people really do exist :)

3. I have a lousy ass cold. The one that makes you feel like your throat is on fire and your nostrils are stuffed with cotton. The one that makes you feel like your head is filled only and ONLY with solid lead and ears are high-pressure cabins with scary 'pops' going off now and then. Lousy!

4. Some crazyyyyyy stuff has been happening in a friend's life (those who know, know). I really don't know how else to describe it but for crazy, silly, nonsensical, irritating, frustrating etc etc. I don't wanna get into details here, but seriously, I think I would be on a ship on the way to NeverLand by now had I been in her situation. So much for it being 21st century with 'modern' values and all that. Just praying time would sort it all out for her and him.

5. Why I write. Ok, let's down to some facts. I don't generally new-blog-hop. Not even when I'm dead bored (which is like 99.95% of the time). I don't think I have that much of patience. It works this way for me. When someone new comments on my posts, I see theirs and leave a comment and the bond is formed. As a daily ritual, though, I check the pages of those on my side-bar and I'm close-to-content with that. (I know the list keeps increasing). So, why do I write? At the expense of sounding Highly (with a capital H) cliched, I write to vent. I really don't write for others to read. Agreed, I do use 'guys' and 'people' and stuff like that, but it isn't directed at anyone really - it's just a figure of speech. I like writing, no, I LOVE writing and that's why I do it. And this goes out to noone in particular.

6. I'm ADDICTED. To Icecreams. And I would never ever agree that my cold has anything to do with it. I've never quite been this addicted before. Excepting the last, what, 4 days...? I think I've had icecream pretty much everyday. My favourite flavour of the season is this totally deliciousss strawberry yoghurt from Emilios. Oh yummmmm! I can't go on with this, I'm way too tempted and knowing that I can't have 'em right now is downright torture.

I'm pretty cryey- whiney right now. So, That's All Folks!*
*I'm just quoting Warner Bros.

P.S: 1. Uhhhm, the 'Best' in the title isn't an adjective to describe this post, I just liked the way it sounded in totality. And uhhmm, this is directed at noone in particluar too :P

Star-ry Eyed

Warning: Profundities ahead. In abundance.

Another month in the passing. It's so weird to imagine that this new month actually signifies that half the year has gone by. The Birthday season has begun. The first half of the year, sparing March, is not that packed. But the second half has Birthdays and festivities galore. Soon my meagre monthly wages would be spent merely on gifts and party-planning. And ofcourse, forget not that MY birthday is coming soon. The one day that I look forward to every year, no matter if it means I'm growing older.

I don't know why I get the feeling this year is gonna be different. If I could give it a name, it would probably be "The Year of Changes". Because deep down somewhere I feel things are gonna change from now. And there's nothing I or anyone can do about it because, I believe, it's already pre-set. Yes, I'm talking about Destiny.

I know a lot of you out there won't agree with a word of what I've got to say. But I'm a firm believer in Destiny, Fate, Karma and the likes; Astrology not included. (Though it does arouse my curiosity quite a bit, and I have consulted astrologers because I just 'wanted to know'). I think my life has already been etched. I'm meant to be where I am, doing what I am doing. Silly, you think? My Dad certainly thinks so. He always tells me we can change our Destiny. But how can we change something we don't know anything about? And even if we try to alter a situation that seems likely to happen, THAT in itself was probably meant to be...?

A lot of things have led me to reiterate this belief. There were soooo many times when I was on the brink of getting into something extremely dangerous, and I was saved just in the nick of time. I never looked at it in the right sense intitally. I used to lament and bemoan my fate, till from somewhere the truth would be in my face and I would do nothing but sit and wonder just HOW things would've been hadn't I gotten out - hurt but unscathed.

This has made me positive. Because when something goes wrong, I have the strength to accept it and expect happier times ahead. Whatever happens, happens for a reason and for the good. Besides, I'm certain of one thing - I have never wronged anyone intentionally and so my current low is just fair-play. It's really helped me get a better grip of life. It's my right hand excuse - That I am the way I am because I'm meant to be the way I am (I know quite a few people who are gonna smirk for this :) Ok, now, enough!).

I'm not and have never forced this on anybody. This is how I look at things and it keeps me happy thinking this way. For some, the belief in one's self is stronger, the belief that they rule their life is what drives them. So be it. As for me, I'm a simple, lazy girl - not taking blame for my mistakes - instead accounting it to what's written on my forehead - just keeping up with it's zigzag course - and trying to be happy through it all.

P.S: 1. I guess I probably sound like a Grandmother, but it's just me being starry eyed :*)
2. You know what I just realized? That my current header has a slight Cosmic tinge to it...Tee hee!

Block and Tackle

Oh please, don't get silly, we are NOT gonna play games on my blog. You get that? Huh? Ok??

Uhmm, I'm sorry I snapped out like that. I have a reason - a proper, justified, totally-makes-sense explanation. The juices aren't flowing, the connection isn't there- it's short-circuited perhaps? Some evil person has put an evil hex on me, thanks to which, a strange something is wedged in between my thoughts and my fingers, thus breaking that connection, thereby resulting in lack of flow of thoughts. See how complicated I made that sound? See how I just used exactly 40 words to desribe what can simply be said in 4 words- I have writer's block. See how my mind is thinking 4 words but conveying them 10 times? You see???

I've been reading this over and over at many others' blogs- xh, Drenched, Busygurl - but I was always like,"Ha! Fat chance of that happening to me!" I guess I 'thought' a bit too early. And now the spell has started taking effect. Everytime I think of writing, nothing pops up! And I thought it was easy :(

It just doesn't feel right not to write. Thankfully, inspiration came in the form of a comment! In my previous post, C R D had mentioned How Relatives say the Darndest (read: nerve-wrackingly-annoyingest) Things. I found that sooo totally true and so I decided to write about a few such irrelevant dialogues spoken when there was absolutely no need for it to be spoken. (that's what irrelevant means right? Now you see what I mean???)

Situation 1: When Mom was in the ICCU after her Angioplasty, this one class mate of mine, who sadly lost his Mom to heart-attack a few years earlier, held on to my Mom's feet crying and said,"Aunty, meri mummy bhi heart-attack se hi mari thi". The word to note is "bhi". Thankfully, she was partially conscious and her knowledge of hindi isn't extensive. But she still managed to remember it a while later and ask me about it!

Situation 2: A Friend's wedding last week. Now, this is hearsay, for I wasn't there when this happened. Apparently a 'cousin' of the bride came upto her when she was getting ready for her big moment and told her,"Ippo dan paaka ponnu madri iruke (Only now you look like a girl). Much better than your dumb jeans and t-shirts in which your ass protrudes out". Awww, now isn't that just the sweetest thing to say???

Situation 3: A family friend's recent visit home. (Unfortunately) I was caught alone with the uncle, just when I wanted to catch some sleep. Nice uncle really, he was earnestly giving me advice on "How to Choose the Right Guy in 5 minutes - Arranged Marriage Style". Mom had gone out and happened to call right then and I gave the phone to Uncle to talk to her. And as they spoke, I guess she mentioned that Dad recently had a giddy spell for Godknowswhatever reason. An absolutely flabbergasted uncle said,"Oh! That isn't good, I say! Please ask him to get it checked, I say! Because, sudden fainting means either:
1. He has a heart problem
2. The brain stem has some problem and could result in haemmorhage
3. His spinal cord has some issue OR
4. Could be nothing.
So please be careful".(Did I mention he's not a Doctor...??) I'm surprised Mom didn't faint on the other end of the phone. (He started off the conversation by asking her why she sounded breathless and how sweating isn't good for a heart patient. He also successfully managed to undo 2 years of our convincing talks with Mum in just under 2 minutes, by telling her,"Heart attacks can come again. Blocks can come again. We are never safe". No comments.)

Situation 4: My Cousin's Class 12 results. A few years back I figured out she's dyslexic and even though the entire family would never get close to understanding the symptoms or her, I stopped asking/ advicing/ pressurising her to 'study'. And so when she got 63% in her 12th boards, I was bordering on elation because, knowing her, it really was no mean task. Heart of hearts I know she was happy with her results (basically passing) too but she couldn't obviously let it be known that she was content with just that much and so she had, no choice but, to cry. Right then, one of her paternal uncles called and said,"63%??? You won't get admission anywhere. And oh, your other cousin xyz got 94%. Bye." and he hung up. Encouragement was his middle name, by the way.

I'm not even claiming to be the Perfect Speaker in all situations or anything. Actually, not even close. The foot-in-mouth syndrome is common but I guess there are certain situations when extra-caution must be taken. If all of us just think before we speak (and that includes me), the World would be a better place to live in.

(You see how how I extrapolated a seemingly simple topic to World Peace..? Damn, I'm losing it. I rest my block)

P.S: 1. For those of you who didn't get my initial outburst, the title is a popular game/ event played at most school and college culturals.
2. Long time since I professed my undying love (on my blog) to BujiBoo, Pp and my Best Friends* - Robo, Janie, Satti, Prathiboo, Andu San, Ani, Rekoo etc. MUAH! *I've included only the Best Friends who read my blogs, the others are loved no less :) Ok, I'm nuts. I'm gonna shut up! :)

Cuteness in the Darkness :)

One night last week, something really cute happened. It actually involves a biggg bag of mixed emotions but I still think 'cute' topped the list :)

It was around 3 am. We were all asleep (like naturally. And yea, I sleep with my parents. No further questions). Through my hazy, sleepy-as-hell state, I heard someone sobbing like a baby. Initially I thought it was someone laughing in my dream but then I realized it wasn't and that it was my mum crying.

Now, lemme tell you, ever since her heart attack 2 years ago, she's paranoid about dying in her sleep. We've realllyyyy tried talking to her about this a zillion times over and tried getting her outta this silly mental framework, but it just doesn't seem to work. And to top it all these stupid tamil magazines that she reads and TV shows keep harping on sob-stories and tragic incidents in people's lives. Once in a while it is ok to probably get a dose of reality, but otherwise I think such shows must truly be banned. Oh, and credit must also be given to those veritable pakkathu-aathu maamis (next-door aunties), who keep going, "Rukku, epdi iruke? Heart attack ku apram elam ok dane? Unaku teriyuma, aniki kooda enoda akka-ponnu oda maamiyar heart-attack la apdiye thookathla sethuta. Careful aa iru" (Long dialogue, sorry, but here goes: Rukku, how are you? Everything is ok after your heart attack aa? You know, even that day my sister's daughter's mother-in-law died in her sleep of a heart attack. Be careful). It isn't a wonder that my mum doesn't sleep at night. So much so that she refuses even to get her tooth extracted because one such 'aunty' told her that her Dad passed away of a heart attack while having his tooth removed! I wonder if there is a personal-life analogy for every death that goes around.

So, thanks to all that and the fact that my mum is really weak herself, she never sleeps. Apparently she gets proper sleep only after dawn breaks because she knows the new day has come and she isn't gonna die in her sleep. (Forgot to mention, the 'stat' she gave an extremely irritated Dad and me that night, was that most deaths due to heart-attack happen during early morning or some crap! Source: Unknown).

And ever since we didn't take her symptoms of an attack to be anything worrisome back then, we now tend to take even small signs slightlyyyy seriously. We try not to show it out because we don't want to increase her already sky-rocketing anxiety levels.

Ok, so where's the cuteness in all of this? Let's get back to the 'situation'. Dad wakes up, jolted from his deep sleep by my sudden,"Appa, amma azhara" (Dad, Mom's crying). And he immediately takes mum into his arms like a baby and rocks her slowly, soothing her down and intermittently asking her,"Enna da aachu? Are you ok? Naa iruken illa? Enna achu? Bayapadade da kutta" (What happened? Are you ok? I'm there, no? Don't get scared baby). And I just couldn't help but feeling like one total idiot for being there in that room right then. But I was rooted. Because it was soooo cute and special to see their love going rock-solid strong even after 30 years. I've always admired that in my Dad. His love and the way he expresses it, it just makes me cry all the time. And my Mom is such a baby. She uses it, you know, her innocence trick. Doesn't work with us but works allll the time with Dad.

Infact, yesterday Dad was realllyyyyy upset he lost his wallet. One reason, apart from the existence of all his cards and contacts in it, was that getting a white wallet is really difficult (Dad wears only white, even his belt, shoes, socks etc etc). But it was only slowly that he blurted out the real reason - He was extremely sad because the wallet had a 30-year old snap of Mom - the way he fell in love with her. And he was pissed as hell with himself for being careless. Not for the wallet, not for the money or the cards, but for that 1 snap. I seriously, seriously found that super-cute.

He isn't the eloquent, quixotic, romantic kinds. Really isn't. But these small gestures of his are sooo...soo....special in their own way, it really rekindles my dying respect for love and its hype. Makes me feel like that little girl waiting for her Prince Charming to come get her :)

P.S: I've been away from the Blog World for 9 days. 9 days of not posting is huge by my own standards. I actually didn't feel like getting on. I guess battling the call to turn Anonymous had a lot to do with it, with mild coaxing from people around me. I still need more thinking on that.

Tag-athon! Cause: Run (the memory cells) to aid eternal-preservation of Memories.

Tagged by OK. He used his space to pen down memories for him to remember but after Drenched's slight persuasion and Payal-Rohtagi as bribe, this has been made a tag. And I decided to get down to the task asap, because my other post doesn't seem to be shaping up the way I want it. Besides, I'm using this as an exercise to try and remember because, as I've mentioned earlier, I've got bad memory. Anywayz, here goes:

1. Everyday when Dolly used to go to school (and I didn't cuz I was 1/2/3), I used to 'bid farewell' by wailing by the lift and begging my mum to let me go to school with her. After much convincing, I used to shut up and get in and I'd wear my sister's uniform and wait for her to come back.

2. The day I joined school. I was 3. This I remember not from the event itself, but mostly from what my sister told me. I didn't know which bus I had to get into to get back home. My Class teacher was in my bus and had told me to follow her. I guess I was too busy gazing at the other nutty kids around that I followed some other teacher and got into another bus. The buses weren't starting and there seemed to be a mini-commotion outside. That's when someone came in and asked if there was anyone called Preeti Ramachandran from Prep. I stood up and when I got out, there was Dolly, all crying big-time because she thought I was lost! (Now she regrets having looked out for me)

3. I used to wanna celebrate my birthday every-single-day of the year. I remember it clearlyyyy. Dad would be standing by the bathroom mirror, shaving, and I would be standing outside the door asking him if I could wear 'colour-dress' to school and take 'chocolates' to give everyone. And he'd say No, every-single-time. Associated memory: I'd celebrate my birthday 3 times a year. Schools in Bahrain would close down for summer vacations during July and August, the hottest months there. My birthday is in July and since it's holiday time, I would do the colourdress-chocolate-party routine in June itself, before I go on vacation. And then, I'd have another party with relatives in India. And the third would be on Dolly's birthday. Really.Every year (till I was 7) I used to get a new dress and my own (smaller) cake for her birthday. Most of my friends thought my birthday it was July 16th (Even me, for a long while :-/ cuz mine is July 11th and Dolz's is Nov 16th and I was just too confused!)

4. My Barbie House: Dad got it when he had gone for a trip somewhere (Uhm, yea, I don't remember where). It was this 3 story house which even had a lift! Well, not an automated one or anything, but it had a thread attached and we could pull it up and down. It had 8 rooms, fully furnished with bed, dressing table, bath-tub and all.

5. There was this kid named Adithya who used to be my neighbour. He was the youngest in the building, after Mayth moved out, and we used to bully him like crazy. I remember playing Monopoly and we used to steal all his money and make him lose everytime. But he used to pretty much adore/dote-on me. Inspite of all that jesting and jousting, he used to write me cute, cute Sorry notes with "I love you, Preeti" written on it and slip it under my door. (Don't even THINK otherwise, he is 6 years younger => total kid) And I used to melt all over.

6. My own sorry notes. I have this habit of writing people notes or letters when I'm angry or sorry, especially to my Dad. I've written sooo many "I hate you Daddy" notes and magnet-ed them on the refrigerator, a strategic location cuz it would be the first thing he'd see when he enters home! He used to pretty much ROFL at it, minus the ROF part and that used to BUG me BIGTIME. And then he'd tickle me till I didn't have a choice but to laugh.

7. I used to write stuff and send them through to magazines. Everyday after getting back from school, I'd start writing. Then I'd put it an envelope, write the address and keep it silently into my dad's briefcase. He'd find it the next morning and laugh, but he used to post them (atleast so I'm assuming). I've had quite a few articles published in the Indian magazine 'Gokulam'. I guess they did put mine cuz it probably would show their far-and-wide reach of their magazine, but yet it made happyyyyy to see it published. I had written a Gokulam rap, a store "All for my stone" etc etc.

8. Once on Channel 55, there was this program on animals and that episode was on chimpanzees and orangutans. At the end of the program, they gave an address for people to write into incase they would like to 'adopt' a chimp. It was obviously for people in the US but I still wrote a letter to them! I don't even know if my Dad sent it.

9. I had an imaginary friend called 'Atta'. Ok, this is realllyyyy embarassing :-/ Apparently, I used to keep talking about Atta alllll the time. Like Atta and me played this, Atta said this and so on.

10. When I was in my 1st standard, there were these 2 boys- Harpal and Jaspal, who used to call me everyday sharp at 6 pm and play the piano for 1 hour. My mum still reminds me of my 'boyfriends'.

11. I won the 1st place in the Memory test in 3rd standard. We had to walk once around a room in which there was a long table with 60 items. We had to then get out and write down whatever we remembered. I wrote 58/60. This guy, Adil, copied it all from me. My teacher knew he did but she didn't want to point him out. He got second place.

12. Me and Dolly used to call ourselves the 'Cross Sisters', no clue why. We'd pose in front of the mirror with our hands and legs all crossed up like idiots.

13. I remember this 4-wheel cycle that me and Dolz had. She used to ride it (most of the time) inside the house on the carpet. That was the only cycle we EVER drove.

14. Dad was very strict about girls playing on the road and stuff. So me and Dolz never used to go down and play inspite of alllllllllll our friends playing. We used to sit inside and play Scrabble, Uno, Mastermind etc. Mum used to feel sad for us and she'd let us go down (all the other kids would begggg her) ONLY if we didn't tell Dad she let us (I am a blabber-mouth by birth, you see). Dad had a white car and more than enjoying our play, we would constantly keep looking down the road for any white car that happened to pass. And if we spotted one, we'd rush up 3 floors in a hurry and jump into our rooms.

15. I had a black-board and I would 'teach' all my 'students' as I studied. I loved chalks and Dad used to get me alll colours and I'd preserve them.

16. We used to jump outta the bus with our bags in the front and beat on it screaming "Thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder CATS!" from our favorite cartoon.

17. On our Chennai trips, my great grandmother used to always give us Poppins. She had this Butter Cookies dabba that we had given her once and she kept her Poppins in that, along with her medicines. It was always sooo special.

18. My thatha used to buy us these kutti, colourful rasagollas and round bubblegum when he gets back from his walking trips with his friend Dar-bur chittapa (Christened so because of his sleep-fartness). I miss him sooo much :(

19. Fridays meant Calling-India-day. And every time, Mum and Dad would talk to all my relatives and then pass the phone to me and Dolly. Our Tamil wasn't great and we used to be sooo shy to ask "Epdi irukeenga" (How are you). We would awake early and remain in bed practicing how to say it right. But we'd always end up asking "Ammamma, how are you?" and she'd laugh.

20. I used to love it when Dad used to drop me at the bus-stop. It was just across the road but on Thursday mornings when he had an off, he would drop us. Dolly used to find it a lil embarassing cuz she was older and all, but I used to get outta the car like I was a Queen, all-smiling and showing off (for God knows what reason).

I've written more than I thought I would. I could go on but this would do.

If you can't Love 'em, dont Hurt 'em!

Disclaimer: I'm not a member of the PETA. I am not one of those vegan or whatever people as well. I am just an emotional, Animalitarian pet-lover.

Opening Speech: (At the expense of being ridiculed for sounding like a 5-year old, I'm gonna say this) "I have a dog. Her name is Chintu. I love my Chintu very much. I love all dogs very, very much. They are very nice, sweet and playful. They are very loyal animals. They are much better than most ****ing humans. Infact, all animals are better than those ****ing humans. Thank you."

It's true. Animals are far superior to the on-the-top-of-the-food-chain bunch. They may not have as much grey matter or white matter or whatever, but they definitely have a lotta heart matter and that's what we lack. Or atleast quite a few of us. Picture these:

Scene#1: At Dad's factory
Sounds of whimpering in the air. Like someone crying. Dad gets out of the car and looks around and finds a scrawny dog a little further. The dog looks up and Dad sees red. Nope, not anger, blood. The dog's eye is gouged out entirely and it was holding it up with its paw. Pushing the flesh in and it came falling back. Again in, and then down. And then it bent low and went back to whimpering. An absolutely appalled Dad asked someone what happened and the man told him that some sadistic, sad-ass fucker beat it with a stick. Cruel?

Scene#2: My Home
My lil Chintu darling is a harmless 4 yr old German Shepherd. And when I say harmless, I mean she's probably a million times more scared of you than you are of her (you => those of who are scared of dogs). All she does is spend her time in the garage looking out through the gate, catch flies and a lotta sleep and enjoy all the attention we smother her with. Now does this little innocent thing, behind the gate deserve to be stoned? Many a (moronic) passer-by has, chumma, for the heckuvit, picked up a huge stone and thrown it at her. At times, it would merely created a loud twang against the metal gate, while at other times it would get into the gap in the gate and hit her. And she'd be limping for a while after that. Heartless?

Scene#3: Footpath outside Vivekananda college
Eeyore maybe a hero, and maybe the Donkey in Shrek, but the ones found here are not even close. Tiny, cute things (I'm not being girly, baby donkeys are really, REALLY adorable) with shrivelled bodies and that dazed, bored expression, staring up at nothing, and then down at nothing again, too lazy to move, too lazy to even turn their head. Feeding on some scraps of paper thrown at them from time to time. Mean?

Scene#4: Bahrain
*Thwank* Mom rushes to the balcony and sees a tiny pigeon fluttering its wings trying to get away. Mom gets closer and it flutters furiously but unable to move. Mom lifts it up and gently smoothes its feathers and she notices its wings are safety-pinned together. Atrocious?

If you nodded your head vigorously and answered YES to the above questions, then Congrats, you have a heart. If you answered No, with a so-what-? expression, turn to the wall and lower forehead towards the wall with full force and repeat the action 100 times. If you can't, let me know, I'd be glad to do the honours.

The World is indeed a small place. The idiots are everywhere. Everytime I find a stone in the garage, I feel lava flowing through my veins. When I rush out to see the perpetrators, more often than not, it would be a bunch of young boys laughing and back-slapping away. I've tried screaming & cursing but they just mouthed obscenities back. No point talking to a wall, no?

There are manyyyyy people who don't really like animals. It's a matter of choice. I have a best friend who doesn't enter my place even now unless (baby) Chintu is tied up. It's because she had a real bad dog-bite experience once in her childhood and she's paranoid till date. Such incidents may cause rationality to take a back seat and that's understandable, but to go ahead and hurt those vaay-illada jeevans (mouthless creatures, or rather voiceless creatures) makes Cruella DeVille look like an angel.

Having a pet is really one of the best things ever. Watching them prancing around, doing their silly antics is a total stress-buster. Everytime I enter the gate, my (not so) lil Chintu greets us with a huge jump and a slurpy kiss. Even if she isn't well, she would walk up slowly, with her tail wagging away to glory behind her and stretch out her neck for a pat. If that isn't unconditional love, then I don't know what is.

Animals are intelligent. Period. Animals are loyal. Period. Animals are the best companions. Period. If you don't agree, fine. But If you can't love 'em, please, don't hurt 'em!

Sorry seems to be the hardest word!

Everyone makes mistakes. Come on, to Err is Human after all, right? But what if you make the same (or any) mistake over and over again? Are you to be forgiven? Or, more precisely, am I to be forgiven?

I seem to have a mental and verbal block when it comes to mouthing the word 'Sorry'. I actually gave a 15 min lecture to Prathi recently on why I feel saying sorry is total bullshit. My arguement...? That there's no point in saying sorry once the damage is done. I think it adds insult to injury. Like- "I'm sorry I said you were a fat pig". "Oh, I'm soooo sorry I made fun of your teeth, hair, eyes and nose the other day". "Oops, sorry for stepping on your freshly pedicured feet with my freshly soiled (& hard soled) shoes". I mean, what's the point? Does saying sorry really assuage that moment of pain/grief of whatever?

It's not like I don't say sorry at all. It just takes me a while to say it like I mean it. I need to feel the need to say it. To feel that I've done something wrong. I equate saying sorry to melodrama. Because the word alone is never enough and it has to be supported by explanations. And I suck at it. My (copyrighted) explanation for anything would be,"This is me. This is how I am. Period". Which obviously is never a strong enough reason for what I did, and definitely never understood by the other party. Most times, I just say it because I have to. Like a template. To appease the situation before it blows out of proportion. Like that pinch of sugar/salt you add to take the fizz outta aerated drinks.

I also get irritated when someone says sorry. 1 sorry is definitely not equal to 1 liter of saline water. And 1 sorry is definitely not equal to @%^&* joules of energy spent bawling like a mad woman! But if it is hurled at me, it wouldn't elicit more than an "Uh, ok. Because I don't know whether to say it's ok, or it's not ok or...what? I don't know!

And so, if and when I do say a sorry and it is accompanied by a decent-sounding explanation, you can be sure it means I'm really, totally, absolutely sorry. Like from the bottom-most bottom of my big heart. From every artery, vein, auricle and ventricle of my heart. You get it right?

Now, I'm gonna do something pretty dumb. I'm gonna use this post to apologize to someone I've NEVER said sorry to till now. For all the pain and hurt I have caused. Sooooooo many things I wish I could go back in time and Ctrl+Z!

That person is 'me'. This apology is for:
1. Hurting myself over and over again.
2. Unecessary, unwanted quanitities of tears shed.
3. Making stupid decisions (in the past and now) inspite of knowing that it wouldn't work out.
4. And most recently, for using the eye make-up remover unjudiciously, knowing that I'm allergic to it, resulting in, like obvious, a scab-like under-eye allergy.

I sincerely hope that I shall be forgiven by my Divine Self.

P.S: 1. Don't reach out for the phone to call the asylum. Don't worry, I certainly do not suffer from "Multiple-personality disorder". This is just me. This is just how I am ;)

2. If it seems like I've contradicted myself somewhere there, it maybe so, because my thoughts on this aren't all that clear, even to me.

3. I started this post day before yesterday during one of my usual low moments. I did something stupid again and I really felt like saying sorry (to myself) for letting myself go through those shitty emotions and all that crazy pain. But then, the whole of yesterday, I was doing a lot better and I didn't feel like going ahead with it. But then again today I got reminded of what I did and so here it is, a full-blown apology note to myself! [Confused...??? :D]

4. Uh, I was supposed to add another P.S, don't remember it now :D

And then there are the FAT...

Men, Women and then there are the Fat. As far as I see it, this is THE most prevalent classification of mankind. The others, based on religion, caste, geography and all that blah, fade into oblivion.

I maybe digressing now, but lemme tell you a recent and relevant incident . Another one of those girl-inspection days. One set of parents walked in, walked over (us) and walked out. The 'Mom' was pretty sweet, all gushing that I was THE daughter-in-law they were looking for, while the 'Dad', well, he was a different story altogether. For the first 20 min of the conversation, the dude remained silent. So we were deceived into thinking he was the placeholder Decision Maker in the family whereas auntyji was the Real Deal. But then he opened his mouth. (Uhm, he did earlier too, but that was to stuff it with halwa, 25 pooris, potato AND unimaginable quantities of kalakhand that we served!) His first words were, "So, do you exercise?" If till then I was smiling and obliging, this question left me flabbergasted, because I knew where this was heading. I said,"Not really. I've been planning to, but haven't yet". Initially my mom got all defensive and for some godforsaken reason felt the need to justify," Illa, she used to go to the gym earlier but......no time now. And once she left it she put on more weight. But she loves working out. She....is very enthusiastic about it. She....diets a lot." etc etc.

Then he went on about how fitness is important and how his wifey aces 40 min on the treadmill every day (auntyji was beaming across the room) and how he is Mr.Calisthenics himself. All that with a belly the size of that cooking vessel in Jodha Akbar! Now, on a normal day, I would never be so mean as to say this about someone else, especially someone I hardly knew and that too well over 60. I wouldn't be judgemental about 'guests' coming into my house unless, UNLESS, he hadn't said all that he said!

Next he said, "I don't know what your weight is but I can tell you, you have to lose 10 kgs. And you should not gain it back after marriage". If I was flabbergasted before that, now I saw red. But I didn't say anything. Not that I care about what they think but I didn't want to make it seem like my parents haven't brought me up right. I could see my Dad and Dolz realllllll pissed on the side. Surprisingly, this time my mom (who is generally the one pleading/ screaming/ emotionally-blackmailing me into losing weight) laughed and said, "Actually, I've been after her to lose some weight for a very long time. But she says that Being plump is not a character flaw*. If that is the reason for someone to reject her, then she doesn't need a hyprocrite like that. She feels that what if after marriage if she puts on weight, the guy will leave her and go or what?" That moment, I could've just about jumped across the room, lifted my mom off the floor and given her a bear hug. I'm sure she would've thought I was nuts, but she deserved it!

{* That is a quote by a famous, wise, smart and intelligent person, aka Moi}

The opposition Mom decided to take charge again and subtly asked her husband to 'Ssshhh' and went on to pacify me saying,"Adellam thaana korayum. Just konjam exercise good dane. Don't worry, you are tall. Your weight doesn't show on you at all. You look really nice the way you are". [Translation: You will naturally reduce. Just a little exercise is good only] Sweet of her, yea, but not like I was worried and besides, the damage had already been done.

I may not be the dainty darling they are looking for but, what, if I'm fat I'm not marriage material but if I'm thin I'm the epitome of bahu-hood??? Maybe they should be looking out for Jane Fonda's daughter for their US payyan!

Forget just for marriage, fat bashing is everywhere. Fat people are the butt of all jokes. Harmless, at times, but never hurtless. All that extra adipose doesn't really cushion the heart from feeling bad! And you know...? Just because I'm taller and fatter than my older-by-4 years-but-shorter-and-thinner sis, I'm always considered to be the older one. It's almost like I'm gonna have to sport a disclaimer on my forehead henceforth reiterating my 'younger sibling' status.

It's such an annoyingly vain world out there that it really drives me nuts!Why is everything based on face value, or rather figure value? Even before saying hello, people have said,"Oh my god, you've put on soooo much of weight compared to the last time I saw you!" As I've said earlier, niceties are rare and unimportant.

But you know what? Call me plump, fat, gundu, chubby or whatever, atleast I'm happy. And I really would be a lot happier if everyone could see it too.

Baby Talk...

There are 2 basic reasons for this post:

1. Baby talk is in the air, or rather talk on babies is in the air. And poor Dolz is bearing the brunt of every Gita, Sita & Rita (Incase your going huh...? It's the Indianized, womanized version of Tom, Dick & Harry) enquiring in hushed tones and dumb charades-ish actions- "Any good news??" So much so that our family prefers not to talk or get too socially involved with anyone other than the 5 of us and ofcourse close friends. That is just sooo much better than having to give 'excuses' like,"Oh, they both are in IT. No time you know" or "Ippo vendanu solranga" or "They are trying, but..." I mean, whatever their reasons are NOT to have a kid right now, it needn't be published in the Mylapore Times, right?

2. All that baby talk made me think of my childhood. I mean,I can't believe Dolz is gonna have a kid!I really feel me and her are still stuck somewhere in between adolescence and adulthood and are still nutty as ever. And here she's gonna have to raise a family..?!?!? And what would that kid call me...chitti, aunty, masi...? Uhm, I think I'd rather have her/him stick to calling me Preeti. It is way cooler, isn't it? Besides, it would be an Ego booster :)

Till I was in the 10th standard, me and her never discussed the B word (B=>Boys). I wouldn't dare breathe a word about the cute guy I had my eyes on. And she used to consider whatever I did or said as "Baccha stuff" ['Baccha stuff' was this ultra-famous phrase used back in our school by all the 'Seniors'] I never called her akka or anything, but I always felt the 4-year difference between us. Once we moved to Chennai, living alone really brought us closer. I've been really mean to her cuz of some a**-hole. I didn't talk to her for a while just cuz 'this guy' told me to (Don't ask me what I was thinking then, I really don't know). She used to cry and ask my friends to get me to talk to her, while I would turn away and cry silently :(

Leaving that silly phase aside, I must say that now me and Dolz are inseparable. She's probably the only one who knows me inside out. We still love watching cartoons together, have these CRAZY names (we both call each other 'buji'. The others are unmentionable) and brawl like maniacs in detention. I can show you nail marks on my right forehand that she gave me last month. I responded with a solid punch on her back :D buhahahaha! My friends have been witness to some extra-violent, true-blue WWF at our place. Hair-pulling, dress-tearing, expletives^infinity et all! But the next second, we'd act like nothing happened! (My mum gets super pissed for this cuz if she tries stopping our fight, we gang up against her instead)

For all that she's been through in life, I'm so, SO glad she's happy and married now to this superlicious guy. And the fact that she's still in Chennai and we still get to do all our silly stuff together is another thing I'm thankful for!

Oh, buj, I know this is all senti, and you and me are never that way, but I must tell you that I couldn't have asked for a better sister. And I don't know what I'd ever do without you. "Buji buji boo, I love you" [to be sung to the tune of the title track (!?) of Scooby doo ;)]

The Tag Bug!

UPDATE: I've just updated a snap of my tattoo. FYI :)

Bitten by the Tag Bug again. Busy Lil Writin' Gurl has done the honours this time :)

Ok, frankly, I'm as confused as hell about this tag. It's supposed to be 5/6/7/8/... quirks about me or something. Each person doing the tag has edited it to suit themselves (kinda like that Chinese whisper game. Amazing how one simple word (here,tag) could change from origin till end!) And so, here's what I'm gonna do- Join the bandwagon and edit the tag to suit myself. Gonna reveal 11 things ppl don't know about me. Or atleast ppl in Blogsville High. (Why 11...? I've got noooo clue!)

1. (This is gonna sound like some Tamil film hero introducing himself)
En paeru (my name): Preeti. But everyone calls me: p3 (san), peeto, peeti, peetu, peetri, !#@!@, uhhmm...it's better we stop here
Appa paeru (Dad's name): Ramachandran. Ooru Kerala. (Place: Kerala)
Amma paeru (mom's name): Rukmani. Namma ooru Iyer ponnu. Orey Louves you see!
Akka paeru (Sis's name): Pratibha aka Dolly. Ava oru Seth payyan a kalyanam panita. (She's married to a Seth aka Marwari guy) Avar paeru Harsh. (His name)
Naay paeru (Dog's name): Chintu. Our 4 year old German Shepherd. The apple of our eyes!
Thozhil (Work): Naan oru Engineer. With MBA. Aana naa ippo paakara vela, blogging. (I am an Engineer. With MBA. But now the work that I do is, blogging)

P.S: For those of you who expected some masala answer like "saaraya vyabaram" (liquor brewing) and the likes, I'm sorry to disappoint. I'm just a very ordinary young girl :P Enough of my family! This is about me :D

2. I was born in Bahrain. And raised there till I was 15. The rest is history.

3. I don't know how to ride a cycle. Dad never let us. I never bothered and had no regrets till this one Kodai trip our class went to during engg and every-single-freaking-human being in the class went cycling around the lake. I, on the other hand, had to walk around freezing my ass out and stuffing my face with home made chocolate waiting for the annoying riders to stop. I had a friend for company, who couldn't ride cuz Miss. Smarty Pants wore heels for a close-to-trekking trip to Kodai (!). And we got lost while climbing up-hill. In the darkness. Alone.

4. I talk at Bullet Train speed. Forget the fact that I can talk non-stop for however long on whatever topic. That's nothing. I've been compared to the likes of Ben Johnson for my talking speed, even when I was a kid! On a recent conversation with Andu, he pointed out (God bless him) that I just completed a relatively mid-length sentence in less than 3 secs. Are the Record book people listening...?? I'm not proud of it.

5. My phone is eternally busy. I'm either on the landline or the mobile. Satti christened me "The Call Center". Which is what flashes on his phone when I call. (If ever I do call) I'm not proud of it either.

6. I love Water. I can drink any amount of water. At times, I drink upto 8 litres a day. It's like a compulsion. If there's a bottle near me, I just have to finish it. Which obviously means I visit the loo !@# number of times a day. Though, most of the time it's to check myself out ;)

7. I'm a matching-matching FREAK. I'm kinda known for it. I match my accessories, basically earrings and bangles, earnestly. I pretty much have allllll colours with me. Not the flashy kinds though! I can't imagine an unmatched day. *shudder* [I manage to make it in time to office every morning, inspite of this ;)]

8. I looooveeeeee stickers. I collect them. Any kind. Especially ones with glitter! *starry eyed* I've got alllllllll the stickers I've ever bought till now with me in this big bag. My Dad threatens to throw it out everytime he gets angry thereby forcing me to comply with his (baseless) orders. Best part is I never use 'em! I'm hyper-senti about my stickers. If I do use one of my precious ones for anyone, you can be assured that person is extremely special. More than 'the sticker'.

9. I have a tattoo. On my lower back on the right side. It's my name in Japanese. Decided to commemorate myself and Japanese and so the tattoo. Besides, I couldn't think of anything else. Raring to get more. But the problem is my parents don't know :D I've managed to keep it a secret for a year and a 1/2 now. And there's no other hideable place *sigh*

10. I hate working. I'm a total home body. I would love to be a house wife. Just laze around the house, doing nothing. And in between all that lazing, get some cooking/washing/cleaning done. I'm not ambitious and not the go-getter/gotta-reach-the-top-of-the-corporate-ladder-by-eating-other's-heads types. Nope, not me. Not in the least! Very simple girl, you know!

11. I have BIG palms. Long fingers too, but big palms. They are so big that when I put mehandi, they are tempted to charge for 3 palms, for the extra mehandi and extra effort taken!I actually have a complex about it. For all you know, my 'man' would probably have smaller palms than me! :-/

I guess this should do now. Will save the rest for similar future tags ;) Oh and btw, I tag Janie, Prathiboo, Satti and Mayth to do this!

Minna-san, Okurimono ga suki desuka?*

Japanese to English Translation: All of you, do you like gifts?* (That, btw, is a dual purpose title. One, to show off my Japanese proficiency and Two, to increase curiosity in the post. Smart, I know)

*I know I do. I LOVE gifts - both giving and getting. I know it's the thought that matters and all. I totallllllllyy agree. I don't get sad if I don't get a gift. But I'm super happy/ elated/ jubilant/ springy/upbeat....(you get the drift) when I do get a gift. And I truly consider myself blessed in that respect. Cuz I have some of the BESTEST people in the Whole Wide World around me!
See, it goes like this. During my engineering, my parents were abroad => cash inflow was pretty good. That was probably the time when I gave the most. After that, I went on to do my MBA. At that time, most of my engg friends had gotten into TCS/CTS/Infosys/some IT Company. And Dolz was also earning top-notch. So, I was the pampered friend/baby-sister. Birthdays meant a million gifts. I'd get every single thing I wanted. Mum was absolutely disgusted at the way I used to squeal with delight at the gifts and she used to remind me that I have to also give in return. But my friends never let me. "You're not earning yet", they'd say.

And then after MBA, I waited 4 months to get a job. By then the engg set was well settled and the MBA ones started working. So I was pampered again. Then when I did get a job, I got one which paid me peanuts. I couldn't even meet my own auto needs from Mylapore to Adyar and again they'd say, "C'mon, you don't have to spend. When you get a better job, you can get us something". I've received gifts ranging from: Clothes to Cellphones to Ipods to Customized-Calendars-with-my-Pics-all-over to Bags to Shoes to Watches to Books to Flowers to Cakes to Chocolates to Make-overs to Jewellery to.....!!! And now, finally, I have a good, decent paying job. And it's time I start giving! Trust me , it isn't easy. It requires sooooo much of thought!

I cherish each and every one of those gifts. I even save the wrappers and the tiny 'Best Wishes' cards that come along with them. I've got every single card I've received since I was a kid. But one of my most recentest gifts is definitely one of my most bestest gifts. Totallyyyyy unexpected. It was given by my Pp. My lil bro baby, the sweetest, cutest, nuttiest person I've met. Whom I love oh-so-much and whose smile is just to-die for! All of 18 years and full of fun and spunk!I simply cannot imagine an hour without this lil hunk, forget a day. When I opened the gift he handed me, I just sat there, not saying a word cuz, for once, I didn't have anything to say!I was speechless. Stunned into silence! (For those of you who know me personally, that is a pretty impossible task) Din't know whether to laugh or cry, to jump in joy or run outta there and show it to everyone I know!He designed a CD for me. Like, put in a few of my ultimate fav songs, designed the front and back AND got it printed on the CD. My FIRST Customized CD. And he addressed it to -"The Best Sis in the Whole World!"And he did it for ME. *sniff* While I get down to some crying and nose-blowing, you guyz can check it out:



Beautiful huh? Pp, Muah! Love you alwayz kiddoooooo!!!!

Next is by Ruby. Ok, to get into the history behind this, I must tell you I'm totally not a gadget person. Cellphones are solely for 'communication' purposes and I find absolutely no joy in wasting money on a new phone. My friends have tried over and over again to get me to change my phone. I had a 3310 till a year back when a friend gifted me another. That stopped working and I've been using my sisz throw away 6600 ever since, which was in a deplorable condition when I received it and I've managed to damage it even further. It was silver earlier. Now black. It didn't have the keys 'enter' and 'a,b,c' and so i had to use my nails to get inside and type it out. I didn't even find it necessary to change the panel! And so, Ruby dearest decided to do the honours. Gifted me a whole new panel, with a new keypad, a new battery AND a memory card (which is from Satti too). My folks actually thought I got myself a new phone! And me, being the bitch I am, have been cribbing that the 'new-look' for the phone isn't me. And that the phone isn't quite the same now! I know I'm a pain! Rubyyyy, I LOVE it. And I LOVE you! Thanks really, really, reallyyyyy!!! Don't have a snap of it. But it looks super sexy. Totally new.

Don't you think I really am blessed to have these people?

*sniff* There I go again! *sniff*

P.S-Update: It is NOT my birthday. I'm a Cancerian and hence, my birthday is in July! And if my Birthday was coming, the countdown would've started 2 months in advance! :D These are just chumma gifts, which is what makes them a lot more special-er :)

BLuSh, CrUSh and ALL that MuSh!

Update: Note to Public- I am NOT getting married YET. What I meant by arranged marriage time is that, my parents have been bitten by the 'kalyanam virus' and decided enough is enough and wanna push me out. Considering poor lil me has noone to show-off to my parents as 'the man', I'm left with lil choice but to say ok to the entire (pathetic) process! And the process has just started. Will definitely keep you all updated. So please, I'm not aunty, YET! :(

As much as I have tried denying it, as much as I hate accepting it, I blush. At the drop of a hat. Uhh, actually a name. Ask Jane. She'd tell you. Cuz she's the first one to figure it out yearz back. I blush when you mention certain names. I don't know if my complexion allows me to turn red, but if it did, I would. Beet red. That sudden rush of blood to my face, causing a flush that's called a blush when you mention the name of a crush that makes my insides go mush!

Honestly...? I must admit I don't know if I know what love is. As in, the real love or true love or whatever. I mean, there may have been 5 guyz in my life, but they were all the wrong ones. Only 2 of them meant something. The 1st one cuz that was the longest and the 3rd cuz he treated me the best. In the 1st case, I was wayyyyyyy too young when I was in it. I was more in love with the 'idea of being in love', than in love itself. Carried away, quixotic, all that. And then reality struck. The other 3 were friends, on the verge of becoming more. Professed their love for me and I was in the confused,"Hmmm, he's a nice guy. And a great friend. Maybe he's the one...???" state. But nope, they weren't. Cuz they just weren't genuine. And I found that out later, luckily before things went further. Now, with the 3rd guy, everything was perfect. Like in every-fucking- possible way. The real deal and then wham!it was over (Short and sweet...?) As I did mention in My 10 most, he passed away a year later and the only explanation I see for us breaking up was that God willed that way. To save me the trouble of having to deal with the grief of him going away that way.

Ok, this is sooo not meant to be sad! So lets regress to the basic point - Blushing and crushing and mushing! (henceforth BCM). I may not know what love is but what I do know is that, to blush, it doesn't have to be love. Could be that cute guy passing by. Or, a call from a guy I really like. I even blush when people make fun of me with some random guy! I have this smile stuck on my face -Colgate style - 32 teeth, cheek-to-cheek (or rather whatever my tiny lips would allow) and thanks to Jane's publicity, everyone I know, knows it now. And I hate it! I hate that I blush and I hate it that I'm so readable!

I really am not all that romantic a person. I'm not in denial here. I really am not that extra mushy,'oh my baby baby' kinda person. I don't mind being called that way. But reciprocating it is a different ball game. I love flowers and gifts and all that. But am not much of the candle-light dinner type. I would prefer to go to a movie (I actually went for Marudhamalai!), normal dinners (as long as there's food!) or even coffee (the drinking kinds, d-u-h).

I don't feel the need to hype every occassion (but for a birthday) and disappoint/get disappointed when high riding expectations aren't met. The simple things matter to me. You know, simple caring gestures go a longggg way in making me feel secure rather than mile-long speeches professing undying, unrequitted love and its likes. Everytime I've heard it, I was left stupefied at how people could actually say stuff like that. My reply:
1. Aloud: "Aww, that's sooo sweet!"
2. In the confines of my mind, "Naa already 3 timez kaadhu kuthiyachu pa! (Translation: I've already pierced my ears thrice. Uhmm, doesn't make sense in English, so forget it)

And now it's arranged marriage time. I'm not gonna get into my woes on that but my sentiments are: Unknown guy = extra low levels of BCM. Friends say that'd change and things will get all happy, happy and al. But, I can't help but feel doubtful now. Hmmm, all I can do is wait and watch. Let's see, pakalam, dekhte hain, mitteyou!

Sooooooooooo...Temme guyz, what's your take on all this? What makes you BLuSh, CrUSh and ALL that MuSh!?

P.S: 1. I'd especially like to hear from Mayth aunty on this. If you don't mind :)
2. I take this opportunity to profess my unconditional love for my Best Bosom Buddies, my Darlin Dido Dolz & Ultimate Superstar Pp ;) And I accept your respective speeches, and I promise my 'inner voice' is silent through it :D I have a crush on you guyz man ;)

Excuse ME? Just who are YOU to tell ME that?!?

So much of bickering, so much of judging, so much of bitching in the air. And it's all so over- whelming to think and react to it. Yes, I'm talking about nasty statements, hurtful words and watchamacallit- Criticism, with a capital C.

For once, this post isn't instigated by some recent personal experience (Thankfully, nothing mean has been said against me recently..hehe..Uhmmm, ofcourse I'm discounting the 'unmentionable terminology' my mum directs at me everyday!). I'm gonna try and make this an objective post. On criticism, judgemental-ism and the likes. That faint line between well and ill intentioned comments that's there and yet, not quite. And I'd like to know how y'all react to it.

A recent post by Keshi on her favourite Indians caused a huge commotion in her comments section. People were telling her who she should've included and who she shouldn't have. I mean, seriously, do they even know what they're saying? As she rightly said, it was a list of HER favourite Indians and she likes them cuz she likes them. She doesn't need to explain it out to the world? If they've got an opinion, state it. Not everyone likes the same things and that's understandable. But to go on and belittle her choice and her and blah blah, that's a little too much, don't you think?

I'm an extremeeeellllyyyy sensitive person, unfortunately, and am pathetic with criticism (All those Zodiac sign thingies say that it's a Cancerian trait. And so, I'm gonna blame it on that) Be it positive or negative, I'd take it to be negative. If my mum tells me I need to lose weight, I think,"She hates me. She loves Dolls more cuz she's thinner". (Not kidding, that's what I think) If Dad says I could've probably gotten better marks if I worked a little harder, I'd think,"Well, he hates me too. I should probably just run away!" And I'd extrapolate those thoughts to the rest of the World hating me and feel like a nobody at the end of it! [Ultimate result: Depressed blogs ;)]

My mind pretty much shuts-down when I'm the victim of any form of scrutiny. Rationality takes a back seat and my defensive mode kicks in. No matter what the other person is saying. Even if implementing what they say is gonna transform into an angel overnight. But then, that's me.

There are those who've got a fuck-all attitude and I seriously admire that. I'm in awe of those who can brush aside such issues and go on like noone's said a thing. This is probably one thing we gotta learn from celebrities. Being in the hot-seat all the time, every move of theirs being scrutinized and publicized, they really need to have a lot of endurance to get through with it all.

I don't know if i've digressed somewhere. I've read and re-read what I've written to try and add a lil more sense to it but...not happening. So I'm gonna stop now. But not before asking all of you to tell me how you'd react to criticism- constructive or destructive.

P.S: 1. The title is indirectly linked to the post. A common retort to such comments. Just incase anyone wanted to know :)
2. @OK: If your reading this, my sensitivities should probably explain why I gave you that unwanted, extra long comment in reaction to your meaningfully harmless comment. Just struck a wrong chord somewhere deep within. My apologies!

I NEED to know now...Does it really hurt...?

Not love. Not breaking up. Not tattoos or peircings. What I wanna know is - Does it really hurt...to SMILE...?

My parents have taught me to be pleasant and polite. And being all full of manners as I am (atleast I try!), I smile at people I know. Not necessarily a buddy or the one-who-sits-beside me. I mean, could be someone on the same floor. There is this one girl at work, whom I see pretty often. I smile at her when I see her and what does she do...? Pass me by like I don't even exist! (This has happened,like, thrice)I mean, it's technically impossible to miss me, you know, thanks to my 'towering personality' (= huge). Besides, I was looking straight at her and smiling. And so, she cannot even use the pathetic excuse that I was probably smiling at the person behind her (or maybe she thought it was the cupboard...?or the wall perhaps...?) Doesn't anyone reciprocate niceties anymore?

She's not the only one. Me and Ruby joint aerobics recently. We were late (as usual) for our first class and the instructor told us to join the crowd and follow suit. We were all left feet and tripping and I looked at the girl in front and smiled sheepishly. She, inturn, threw me this disinterested, 'I'm-too-busy-to-waste-time-smiling' expression! (Adding insult to injury is the fact that she's as thin as a stick of asparagus while I'm that huffing, puffing plump tomato) Thankfully, there was another nice lady who just asked us to hang in there till the end.

With medical reports (eg: Smiling involves just 17 facial muscles and...), poems (eg: Smiling is a merry thing, blah blah blah"), songs (Remember Boyzone's biggest hit: Words, which began with-Smile, an everlasting smile.......??") and the likes of Hallmark/Archies coming up with the 'Smiley' (that cute, yellow thing on cards/keychains/anything & everything) , the entire 'Smile' concept is pretty much in your face. And so, I'm gonna assume the non-smiling kinds are extremely ignorant people with no life. Living in an igloo without a window and no humans around => Zilch people skills.

Or maybe I'm just ancient. Maybe being grumpy is in and I never realized. Well, the lean, mean men have always been considered hot. You know, the 'bad boy' image and all. Maybe that works for women as well.....? Maybe it's better. Would save guys the effort of saying those corny lines like "Your smile just killed me" or "I love the way your eyes light up when you smile" etc. Or maybe, they'd just change them and go, "Your frown just scared the shit outta me" or "Your dead pan eyes and frigid expression just turn me on".

Whatever maybe, a smile works for me. Lifts me up to smile and be smiled at. What do you think?

Million $ quote: "To Smile or not to Smile. That is the question" (by Will.I.A'int Shakespreeti)

P.S: Update: Ever since I've written this post (like 30 min ago), I've seen Girl#1 twice and I couldn't help but smile so hard, I looked sillier than the Cheshire Cat in 'Alice in Wonderland'!

My 10 Most...

This may resemble a tag cuz its one of those '10 most-' posts. But it isn't. What I did yesterday and the 'pats-on-my back' I received for it prompted this :) Here are 10 of my most dumbest and smartest moments/moves.

DUMBEST (In chronological order, not necessarily in dumbness order)

1. Joining DAV: Strict, disciplined, All-Girl's school, geeky girls screeching over gawky boys, flunking exams and lots and lots of special classes. Yup, it is a wonder I survived it. (Refer post: The Middle Name Tag for more details)

2. Trusting Guy#1: No comments (and no questions)

3. Joining Sathyabama: Girl-boy no mingle jingle, barren land - to enforce rule#1, ie, girl-boy no hanky panky, Black glasses & white teeth, Punishment for looking at a guy/carrying oranges/short sleeves/low neck and rules like these. Survived, yet again.

4. Trusting Guy#2: Sweet talker, cute looker and best friend. Short stint, friendship continues. No further comments. (and no further questions)

5. Trusting Guy#3: He's crossed over so, no comments. May his soul RIP.

6. Joining ITM: Every morn regret. Class of 55 morons (minus us 5, ofcourse..hehe) , Class of 60 senior morons, over-zealous party poopers- fist fights,broken pots et al, high level 'bit' technology and strains of "Abey o" at every turn. They should have renamed it Institute for Terminally Mental. I'm quite a survivor, ain't I?

7. Trusting Guy#4: Save your judgements. There's more! [Further comments, contact Ruby ;)]

8. Not learning from Guyz#1-4 and trusting Guy#5 (!!!): Dumb-bell brained, deported, alcoholic, self-obsessed freak. Yea, yea I am a sillly girl. But hey, everyone makes mistakes....right?

9. Joining the gym: yet-again and (like obviously) quitting it half-way through. Inspiration to join-d*** head above. Inspiration to quit- revenge on d*** head above!

10. The reason behind this post: Trying to send a 60 MB mail from my Outlook (which I learnt today can send a mail of max 10 MB). Resulting in, not just Outlook, but my entire system getting fucked! Prathi had an awesome laugh and took the humble initiative of passing the word around. But considering it gave the World this post, it isn't such a dumb thing after all huh? ;)

SMARTEST

Ahem, ahem. Beneath that dumb exterior facade lies an extremely smart, intelligent, bright.......ok, u can stopping the eye-rolling now :)

1. Staying away from the jing-bang in DAV: by staying away from school itself. Got me into truck loads of shit, but anything beats going there. Even flunking.

2. Dumping Guy#1: No small fea(e)t for me!

3. Using 'messenger service' to talk to the Forbidden 'boys-at-the-back': Uh, actually, if you study in Sathyabama, all boys are behind you...I mean literally, cuz they all sit at the back! (College rules, you see-Karls (girls) wanly in the firshtu aar shecondu row. In bus and class). It was more for practical study purposes, you see. To study the trajectory of the projectile (tiny, rolled bits of white paper containing important information not transmittable by sound), analyze the speed etc etc. You know, physics. With a lil bit of chemistry and lotsa biology!This, by the way, is the secret behind Guy#2 ;)

4. Dumping Guy#2: Best friend or whatever. Super sexy eyes or whatever. Cute poems/Love songs or whatever. It should be just me, baby!

5. Guy#3: I don't have a prefix for this one. Probably the only guy I've ever loved (Yay!Finally). Sad ending. And even worse that he is no more (this happened after we ended).But meeting him was one of the best things that happened to me. Trusting him was wrong maybe. Falling for him wasn't right. But he kept me happy while it lasted. That's all the matters, isn't it?

6. Joining ITM: Yup, really. And no, I'm not contradicting myself. I could fail a psychometry test with this answer but the reason is this- how many (ultra smart) people do you know, who decided to take a break after engineering and join an institite for humour's sake? Donate some 3.5-4 lakhs of dad's hard earned money to get to be with some of the World's classic nut-cases. Now, I can proudly say, I've pretty much seen them all. And earned a Masters in Barbarian Administration enroute.

7. No points for guessing- Dumping guy#4: Or did he dump me...?I don't know. But better to be single than being the man!

8. Damn, I guess I don't have as many smart moves as I thought I did. I'm really sweating it out here thinking. Well, hmmm...I guess I would have to go with Dumping guy#5. Actually, not that smart a move. Cuz if I didn't dump him...?That would've been the strongest contender for "The World's Dumbest". C'mon, I found out through orkut that he was dating (like for 3 years) someone else!

9. Quitting my previous job: Read here for more info. [Indirect smart move-Hyper linking to other posts for the impatient 'one-post-one-comment'ers! ;)]

10. Probably the smartest of them all. Ending this post right here, right now!

Think your dumber/smarter than me...? Lemme know :)