Mar 9, 2008

Excuse ME? Just who are YOU to tell ME that?!?

So much of bickering, so much of judging, so much of bitching in the air. And it's all so over- whelming to think and react to it. Yes, I'm talking about nasty statements, hurtful words and watchamacallit- Criticism, with a capital C.

For once, this post isn't instigated by some recent personal experience (Thankfully, nothing mean has been said against me recently..hehe..Uhmmm, ofcourse I'm discounting the 'unmentionable terminology' my mum directs at me everyday!). I'm gonna try and make this an objective post. On criticism, judgemental-ism and the likes. That faint line between well and ill intentioned comments that's there and yet, not quite. And I'd like to know how y'all react to it.

A recent post by Keshi on her favourite Indians caused a huge commotion in her comments section. People were telling her who she should've included and who she shouldn't have. I mean, seriously, do they even know what they're saying? As she rightly said, it was a list of HER favourite Indians and she likes them cuz she likes them. She doesn't need to explain it out to the world? If they've got an opinion, state it. Not everyone likes the same things and that's understandable. But to go on and belittle her choice and her and blah blah, that's a little too much, don't you think?

I'm an extremeeeellllyyyy sensitive person, unfortunately, and am pathetic with criticism (All those Zodiac sign thingies say that it's a Cancerian trait. And so, I'm gonna blame it on that) Be it positive or negative, I'd take it to be negative. If my mum tells me I need to lose weight, I think,"She hates me. She loves Dolls more cuz she's thinner". (Not kidding, that's what I think) If Dad says I could've probably gotten better marks if I worked a little harder, I'd think,"Well, he hates me too. I should probably just run away!" And I'd extrapolate those thoughts to the rest of the World hating me and feel like a nobody at the end of it! [Ultimate result: Depressed blogs ;)]

My mind pretty much shuts-down when I'm the victim of any form of scrutiny. Rationality takes a back seat and my defensive mode kicks in. No matter what the other person is saying. Even if implementing what they say is gonna transform into an angel overnight. But then, that's me.

There are those who've got a fuck-all attitude and I seriously admire that. I'm in awe of those who can brush aside such issues and go on like noone's said a thing. This is probably one thing we gotta learn from celebrities. Being in the hot-seat all the time, every move of theirs being scrutinized and publicized, they really need to have a lot of endurance to get through with it all.

I don't know if i've digressed somewhere. I've read and re-read what I've written to try and add a lil more sense to it but...not happening. So I'm gonna stop now. But not before asking all of you to tell me how you'd react to criticism- constructive or destructive.

P.S: 1. The title is indirectly linked to the post. A common retort to such comments. Just incase anyone wanted to know :)
2. @OK: If your reading this, my sensitivities should probably explain why I gave you that unwanted, extra long comment in reaction to your meaningfully harmless comment. Just struck a wrong chord somewhere deep within. My apologies!


SK said...

LOL! I am a Cancerian as well, so I can very much understand your sentiments here.
But if we try we can overcome our sensitive nature and be a cool person as well. All it takes is mammoth effort! :--))

--xh-- said...

well, u r certenly not alone in that aspect.. :)

Ok said...

Awwww...You dont need to apologize. That was in any case very very sweet.

I think the following rule should sum things up

"Except a select few nobody really is a well wisher. If somebody outside the select few critizes then screw him/her. If the select few voice concerns it must be true and so I will change."


Prathi:-) said...

hey di:)
hahah :D i agree with u on that... even if try to thnk positive... i can get only negative thoughts for negative criticism:( i dnt knw if its human tendency to do so... but ya... dts hw i am...
nwz... abt ur comment on Keshi's article... ya... i perfectly agree... if d ppl commenting like sm1 else... den they simply shud write a blog on it themselves.. instead of them bickering about missing their choice...
love ya di:)

cva said...

[Ultimate result: Depressed blogs ;)]

That was a good one. Imagine what if there were no blogs, it will be all pressure cooker situation.

I tend to agree with OK

I would apply my thoughts to any comments from my inner circle. Pay no heed to others.

But true, no matter what, any comment would push me off my base.

rantravereflect said...

they call it constructive criticism.. its a bad oxymoron- something like tellin someone 'ya've a cute beerbelly'..

i dunno- its ok if its fun, n tat spirit is maintained, but the minute there is a cross over n there's tat venom, its unacceptable..

wen sum1 calls me 'chubby' i take it ma stride.. but if sum1 tells me 'i'm fat n ugly' on my face, tatz wen it crosses over, n it gets all wrong- it hurts a lil' at first, after a while all i can think of is ' have a look at the morror, our ancestors(apes) would be proud ya look jus like them'

as for celebs, they dig criticism- i believe they partially invite it, cos it's free publicity :)

Ziah said...

Hehhehe... I grew a giant thick hide and I have lost the ability to take anyone seriously anymore:) I just go ya ya whatever..:) Trust me, it helps.:)

Winds of Change said...

Hey babe..

hw wud i react to critisicm?? ..well as jane said..i think it depends on the degree to which ppl go to piss u off...for eg: if sum1 sez im not all dat tall in a jokin manner...i wud probably jus laugh along...but if the same comment is made on a serious get kinda hurt..but aftr a point, i wudnt care cuz im happy bout the way i am.. jus an incident: mite've told u this...but i recently saw a lady shopping...wen i tuk a close look, i realised dat she didnt have armz at all....zilch on her shoulders...from dat day i realised dat v r all blessed to b normal human beings...and hence, v shud try nt getn really upset wen sum ppl comment crap! ...
moreovr, i kno sum pplwho comment wat they hav on their mind...no1 on this planet wud like to hear commentz like 'wat on earth r u wearin 2day' or..'ur lukin sick 2day!' frankly i detest such ppl...cuz they fiorst hav to put themselves in the othr personz shuz b4 telln such crap...
a btr way of sayin it wud be..'dat aint aint dat gud...if u stl like it...go ahead!

hope i didnt confuse u 2 much!

lotsa luv
u kno who

PREETI said...

@sk: Hi-five! Fellow Cancerian! :) We rock, dont we? ;) hehe...Newayz, along with bein extremely sensitive, I'm also extremely lazy...n so, takin tat mammoth effort to change is a lil difficult for me...tho i really wanna do it...till then i'm blamin the zodiacs...escapism ;)

@xh: n im sooo glad i aint :)

@OK: Appada!i feel sooo much better nw! :) :)

I agree with ur rule..perfectly rite..puttin it to practice...hmmm :-/

@prathi: so simple :) hehe...luv u di!

@cva: Thnx :) pressure cooker situation only most of the time for me...n then i get here :D

@janie bravo: Yea, tatz wat i said the line is thinnnn between constructive criticism...Sometimez when ppl pinch my cheeks n say 'chubby' i smile n feel cute for tat second...n the next im thinkin, damn im chubby! well, u knw me :) LUV u!

@ziah: yea,yea watever is wat i tell myself aftr iv shed those tearz :P hehe...gta try n do it before ;)

@uknwwho: i knewwwwwwwwwwww ud bring up the 'u dnt luk gud today' thing! tatz y i left it out! LUV u for it! hehe...tho i tuk it ok n did laugh it off, it still did konjam konjam hurt somewhr thr...! :)

n true..we really r a fortunate bunch...all of us...compared to soooo many out thr...n so before criticizin, if we juz stopped n cnsidered wat the other person 'may' feel, the world'd b a better place to live in!

The Techno Maniac said...

Cancerian nu sonaley problem than.. athula preeti add pana.. that is adding complexity to the already complex problem! [:P]

Well, I generally distance with people who crticize me.. if its positive, there may be chances that i still be around.. especially, now leading a life in hyderabad, i can see myself changing. Gone were the times, i used to take things to heart.. now.. i just keep moving on.. damn the rest.. i distance myself, never to encounter them again in my life.. i hav got so much freedom these days, and i hate it wen some one tells me wat to do.. and most definitely.. i hate criticising others.. again.. exceptions wud be my best frnds, who will see another side of me :)


Arun Sundar said...

Ignorify - best way to handle criticism, kabali says.

PREETI said...

@techno: cancerianz r better than saggi :P ok aa? :P nee vaa da vaa...weekend unaku iruku!

@arun/kabali (?): 'ignorify'...try panren :)

Solitaire said...

Generalizations. We love making them. Can't help it.

We focus on others to get the spotlight of us.

Keshi said...

You go girl! :) I love ur honesty and girl-power yeyyyyyyy!

**Not everyone likes the same things and that's understandable

true. And I was really shocked that some ppl questioned me if those favs of MINE is what India stands for etc. LOL can u imagine that! I mean WTH, those were MY favs. If ppl cant get something so simple, then I really hv no HOPE for world peace. :):)

Criticism is good but only when it's CONSTRUCTIVE. Abuse and insults r a bore. And even when we make a proper criticism, there's a WAY to say it. Some ppl dunno how to do that and they end up sounding rude and totally pathetic.

I like u for who u r Preeti and for ur unique personality...and thats all that matters. If ppl say rude things to ya w.o. thinking twice, then it's THEIR misfortune :)

HUGS luv ya!


PREETI said...

@solitaire: juz read tat ur a student of psychology...iv gta b VERY careful if ur readin...hehe ;) bt yea, generalizationz = escapism and so unavoidable :)

@Keshi: thnx for all those sweet thingz :)

n yea, thrz a way of sayin thingz...if only ppl cud put 'constructive' criticism in a way tat it doesnt hurt, the world wud b a better place :) all world peace n all ;)

luv ya too gurl! hugz :)

The Techno Maniac said...

No way.. Saggis are way too beyond the grasp of a cancerian.. A careful saggi like me will never get under the claws of a cancerian.. So better luck next time...

We know better to gallop on the sea shore rather tormenting a cancerian and get bitten all over.. we just gallop away, before the cancer realizes we are gone! :P

Now.. one more thing.. na oru ku vantha.. pechu pecha than irakanum.. okay?? allu vechi adika kudathu.. plus.. remember.. yday agreement.. we are on the same side..


PREETI said...

@TM: all allu all aapu only...nee vaa ma vaa! bt doesnt chnge th efact tat im on ur side...

n on the the rest of wat u wrote: :P

Confounded-Lady said...

You have a point Preet.

For a person like me, I find it hard to take criticism when its shot at me blatantly. There is a way to do things...and ther is certainly a way to make your point.

If you think I could have done something better, sure say it..but the way I'd liek to heat it..or for that matter, you might like to hear it.

Sarcasm? I'll show you the door. THe back one that too.

But I should say, its tough for *everyone* to mind his or her business all the time.

PREETI said...

@mayth: so true...sarcasm is soooo fuckin irritatin...n i really wonder y ppl cannot mind their own business..y?!

Anonymous said...

criticism could be constructive (well meant) or it cud be from some one who has a problem with you being y\who u are. for the latter, u shudnt really give a rat's ass. But take the former as sportingly as possible (as long as you don't get too much of it)

besides there are two things that i usually keep in mind.
one>>nobody who isnt in sync with what you do has the right to tell you what you should do and what u shouldnt do.
two>>and you can never let anyone tell you or make you feel that you don't derserve what you want.
people are stupid..basic human flaw. u cant change it. But u can learn to ignore it.

PREETI said...

@upec: thnx :) aftr all this, i really am gna try n ignore it...asu said, constructive criticism is alrite, as long it isn't said a lil too often...all the best to me for tis! :)

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

Hmm, a preeti-enlightening-post! ;)
Yup, people should sure learn the polite, subtle ways on critising.
and hence, cater to all the needs of all the zodiac signs. lol. okay, melodrama ;) :P

hehe, am an arien, and critisism is fine with me. hehe, im one hell of a critique too! and for me, critisism means spice.

uh okay, dont gimme that *ohmigod, what a demented interpretation of critisism look* :P
okay give.
my defence: to each her own! :D

PREETI said...

@busygurl: arien huh?nw i knw y u dig criticism ;) ur rite, to each her own...too much spice makes u head for water => too much criticism makes me head for tears ;) too much analogy = too much melodrama?? :D