Star-ry Eyed

Warning: Profundities ahead. In abundance.

Another month in the passing. It's so weird to imagine that this new month actually signifies that half the year has gone by. The Birthday season has begun. The first half of the year, sparing March, is not that packed. But the second half has Birthdays and festivities galore. Soon my meagre monthly wages would be spent merely on gifts and party-planning. And ofcourse, forget not that MY birthday is coming soon. The one day that I look forward to every year, no matter if it means I'm growing older.

I don't know why I get the feeling this year is gonna be different. If I could give it a name, it would probably be "The Year of Changes". Because deep down somewhere I feel things are gonna change from now. And there's nothing I or anyone can do about it because, I believe, it's already pre-set. Yes, I'm talking about Destiny.

I know a lot of you out there won't agree with a word of what I've got to say. But I'm a firm believer in Destiny, Fate, Karma and the likes; Astrology not included. (Though it does arouse my curiosity quite a bit, and I have consulted astrologers because I just 'wanted to know'). I think my life has already been etched. I'm meant to be where I am, doing what I am doing. Silly, you think? My Dad certainly thinks so. He always tells me we can change our Destiny. But how can we change something we don't know anything about? And even if we try to alter a situation that seems likely to happen, THAT in itself was probably meant to be...?

A lot of things have led me to reiterate this belief. There were soooo many times when I was on the brink of getting into something extremely dangerous, and I was saved just in the nick of time. I never looked at it in the right sense intitally. I used to lament and bemoan my fate, till from somewhere the truth would be in my face and I would do nothing but sit and wonder just HOW things would've been hadn't I gotten out - hurt but unscathed.

This has made me positive. Because when something goes wrong, I have the strength to accept it and expect happier times ahead. Whatever happens, happens for a reason and for the good. Besides, I'm certain of one thing - I have never wronged anyone intentionally and so my current low is just fair-play. It's really helped me get a better grip of life. It's my right hand excuse - That I am the way I am because I'm meant to be the way I am (I know quite a few people who are gonna smirk for this :) Ok, now, enough!).

I'm not and have never forced this on anybody. This is how I look at things and it keeps me happy thinking this way. For some, the belief in one's self is stronger, the belief that they rule their life is what drives them. So be it. As for me, I'm a simple, lazy girl - not taking blame for my mistakes - instead accounting it to what's written on my forehead - just keeping up with it's zigzag course - and trying to be happy through it all.

P.S: 1. I guess I probably sound like a Grandmother, but it's just me being starry eyed :*)
2. You know what I just realized? That my current header has a slight Cosmic tinge to it...Tee hee!

Tag Along and Sing A Song!

Another tag! Battling writer's block has never been so easy. Thanks CRD and Superficial! Anyway, the rules of the Tag are as follows:
1. Put your MP3 player/Media player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what.

I'm gonna do this just once and so the answers are most probably gonna be super random. Here goes:

1. If someone says "Is This Okay?" you say?
A. New york Nagaram urangum neram......from Jillunu Oru Kadhal. Sexyyyyyy songggg. I can listen to it 24X7 on repeat mode. No relevance to the question, but I'm known to blabber so noone would notice if I sing this in response to that question :D

2. What would best describe your personality?
A. Dard-e-Disco from Om Shanti Om. "Woh haseena woh neelam pari, Kar gayi kaisi jadugari" So much for modesty huh?

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
A. Paint my Love by MLTR . Uhm, he should paint my love...??

4. How do you feel today?
A. Kya mujhe pyar hai from Woh Lamhe.

"Kyun aaj kal neend kam khwab zyada hai,
Lagta khuda ka koi naek irada hai,
Kal ka fakir aaj dil shehzada hai,
Lagta khuda ka koi naek irada hai,
Kya mujhe pyar haiiii!"

Ahem. *cough cough*

5. Whats your life's purpose?
A. Pehla Nasha from Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander. Thu, this is never my life's purpose and all. I mean love.

6. What is your motto?
A. Hakuna Matata from Lion King!!! How COOL is that:

"Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase
Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze
It means no worries, For the rest of your days
It's our problem-free philosophy
Hakuna Matata! "

:O I'm still in awe that the PERFECT song came through :D

7. What do your friends think of you?
A. Run to You by Bryan Adams. Awwww! :")

8. What do you think of your parents?
A. Wonderwall by Oasis. Lines I pick- "I don't believe that anybody, feels the way I do, about you now!"

9. What do you think about very often?
A. Best of Me by Bryan Adams.

"When you want it, when you need it,
You'll always have the Best of Me".

This goes out to alllll of you out there :) Damn, I'm so sweet ;)

10. What is 2+2??
A. Leaving on a Jet Plane by Jewel. Uhh, whatever!

11. What do you think of your best friend(s)?
A. Sultans of Swing by Dire Straits."We are the Sultans... We are the Sultans of Swing". Oh, that we certainly are :D

12. What do you think of the person you like?
A. I'm gonna get you by Shania Twain. Hahahaha! This is super-funny!

"Don't wantcha for the weekend - don't wantcha for a night,
I'm only interested if I can have you for life".

Not bad for coincidence huh? ;)

13. What is your life story?!
A. Kya Surat Hai by Bombay Vikings. I'm gonna have to confess, "It's been so long since I last fell in love, baby I swear I swear by heaven up above". Really ;)

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
A. Hound Dog by King Elvis! Hahahahahahahahahahaha! This is getting nuttier by the minute :)

15. What do you think when you see the person you like?
A. Subah Subah from I See You. I absolutely LOVE this song. Such a mood lifter, and yea, I guess it would describe what I would feel in such a situation :)

"Subah subah yeh kya hua,
Naa jaane kyun ab main hawaaon mein chal raha hoon,
Nayi subah, nayi jagah,
Nayi ada se nayi dishaaon mein chal raha hoon".

16. What do your parents think of you?
A. I Swear by All For One.

"I swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky, I'll be there.
I swear like a shadow that's by your side, I'll be there.
For better of worse, till death do us part,
I'll love you with every beat in my heart, I swear!"

AWWW!!! Though they definitely would've never heard of the song. :)

17. What will you dance to at your wedding?
A. Meter Down from Taxi. 9211

"Kisi ka chutta, kissi ki daulat,
Kissi ka love, kissi ki mohabbat
Yahan pe zindagi ki har khushi,
Rupaiyya hai ya dollar ya pound,
Meter down!

It's all about the money huh, honey? ;)

18. What will they play at your funeral?
A. Everything I Do by Bryan Adams

"Search your heart, search your soul,
You'll find me there, you'll search no more!"

Awesome huh?

19. What is your hobby/Interest?
A. Woh Lamhe by Jal. I'm thinking I could equate the song to Reminiscing? That is a definite past-time.

20. What is your biggest secret?
A. This Love by Maroon 5. Oh yea, BIG secret ;)

21. What do you think of your friends?
A. Beauty and the Beast by Celine Dion.

"Tale as old as time,
True as it can be,
Barely even friends,
Then somebody bends,
Unexpectedly"

Isn't that how all friendships begin? I'm a believer in Coincidence now. I'm a believer! :)

22. What would you post this as?
A. Shut up, just Shut up by Black Eyed Peas!

Ah! I guess that's like a message from up above. So, it's time I do that. Not bad that it 'coincided' with the end of the tag itself, huh? I tag all of you who see this. Please do it, I think it was fun :D

Block and Tackle

Oh please, don't get silly, we are NOT gonna play games on my blog. You get that? Huh? Ok??

Uhmm, I'm sorry I snapped out like that. I have a reason - a proper, justified, totally-makes-sense explanation. The juices aren't flowing, the connection isn't there- it's short-circuited perhaps? Some evil person has put an evil hex on me, thanks to which, a strange something is wedged in between my thoughts and my fingers, thus breaking that connection, thereby resulting in lack of flow of thoughts. See how complicated I made that sound? See how I just used exactly 40 words to desribe what can simply be said in 4 words- I have writer's block. See how my mind is thinking 4 words but conveying them 10 times? You see???

I've been reading this over and over at many others' blogs- xh, Drenched, Busygurl - but I was always like,"Ha! Fat chance of that happening to me!" I guess I 'thought' a bit too early. And now the spell has started taking effect. Everytime I think of writing, nothing pops up! And I thought it was easy :(

It just doesn't feel right not to write. Thankfully, inspiration came in the form of a comment! In my previous post, C R D had mentioned How Relatives say the Darndest (read: nerve-wrackingly-annoyingest) Things. I found that sooo totally true and so I decided to write about a few such irrelevant dialogues spoken when there was absolutely no need for it to be spoken. (that's what irrelevant means right? Now you see what I mean???)

Situation 1: When Mom was in the ICCU after her Angioplasty, this one class mate of mine, who sadly lost his Mom to heart-attack a few years earlier, held on to my Mom's feet crying and said,"Aunty, meri mummy bhi heart-attack se hi mari thi". The word to note is "bhi". Thankfully, she was partially conscious and her knowledge of hindi isn't extensive. But she still managed to remember it a while later and ask me about it!

Situation 2: A Friend's wedding last week. Now, this is hearsay, for I wasn't there when this happened. Apparently a 'cousin' of the bride came upto her when she was getting ready for her big moment and told her,"Ippo dan paaka ponnu madri iruke (Only now you look like a girl). Much better than your dumb jeans and t-shirts in which your ass protrudes out". Awww, now isn't that just the sweetest thing to say???

Situation 3: A family friend's recent visit home. (Unfortunately) I was caught alone with the uncle, just when I wanted to catch some sleep. Nice uncle really, he was earnestly giving me advice on "How to Choose the Right Guy in 5 minutes - Arranged Marriage Style". Mom had gone out and happened to call right then and I gave the phone to Uncle to talk to her. And as they spoke, I guess she mentioned that Dad recently had a giddy spell for Godknowswhatever reason. An absolutely flabbergasted uncle said,"Oh! That isn't good, I say! Please ask him to get it checked, I say! Because, sudden fainting means either:
1. He has a heart problem
2. The brain stem has some problem and could result in haemmorhage
3. His spinal cord has some issue OR
4. Could be nothing.
So please be careful".(Did I mention he's not a Doctor...??) I'm surprised Mom didn't faint on the other end of the phone. (He started off the conversation by asking her why she sounded breathless and how sweating isn't good for a heart patient. He also successfully managed to undo 2 years of our convincing talks with Mum in just under 2 minutes, by telling her,"Heart attacks can come again. Blocks can come again. We are never safe". No comments.)

Situation 4: My Cousin's Class 12 results. A few years back I figured out she's dyslexic and even though the entire family would never get close to understanding the symptoms or her, I stopped asking/ advicing/ pressurising her to 'study'. And so when she got 63% in her 12th boards, I was bordering on elation because, knowing her, it really was no mean task. Heart of hearts I know she was happy with her results (basically passing) too but she couldn't obviously let it be known that she was content with just that much and so she had, no choice but, to cry. Right then, one of her paternal uncles called and said,"63%??? You won't get admission anywhere. And oh, your other cousin xyz got 94%. Bye." and he hung up. Encouragement was his middle name, by the way.

I'm not even claiming to be the Perfect Speaker in all situations or anything. Actually, not even close. The foot-in-mouth syndrome is common but I guess there are certain situations when extra-caution must be taken. If all of us just think before we speak (and that includes me), the World would be a better place to live in.

(You see how how I extrapolated a seemingly simple topic to World Peace..? Damn, I'm losing it. I rest my block)

P.S: 1. For those of you who didn't get my initial outburst, the title is a popular game/ event played at most school and college culturals.
2. Long time since I professed my undying love (on my blog) to BujiBoo, Pp and my Best Friends* - Robo, Janie, Satti, Prathiboo, Andu San, Ani, Rekoo etc. MUAH! *I've included only the Best Friends who read my blogs, the others are loved no less :) Ok, I'm nuts. I'm gonna shut up! :)

Cuteness in the Darkness :)

One night last week, something really cute happened. It actually involves a biggg bag of mixed emotions but I still think 'cute' topped the list :)

It was around 3 am. We were all asleep (like naturally. And yea, I sleep with my parents. No further questions). Through my hazy, sleepy-as-hell state, I heard someone sobbing like a baby. Initially I thought it was someone laughing in my dream but then I realized it wasn't and that it was my mum crying.

Now, lemme tell you, ever since her heart attack 2 years ago, she's paranoid about dying in her sleep. We've realllyyyy tried talking to her about this a zillion times over and tried getting her outta this silly mental framework, but it just doesn't seem to work. And to top it all these stupid tamil magazines that she reads and TV shows keep harping on sob-stories and tragic incidents in people's lives. Once in a while it is ok to probably get a dose of reality, but otherwise I think such shows must truly be banned. Oh, and credit must also be given to those veritable pakkathu-aathu maamis (next-door aunties), who keep going, "Rukku, epdi iruke? Heart attack ku apram elam ok dane? Unaku teriyuma, aniki kooda enoda akka-ponnu oda maamiyar heart-attack la apdiye thookathla sethuta. Careful aa iru" (Long dialogue, sorry, but here goes: Rukku, how are you? Everything is ok after your heart attack aa? You know, even that day my sister's daughter's mother-in-law died in her sleep of a heart attack. Be careful). It isn't a wonder that my mum doesn't sleep at night. So much so that she refuses even to get her tooth extracted because one such 'aunty' told her that her Dad passed away of a heart attack while having his tooth removed! I wonder if there is a personal-life analogy for every death that goes around.

So, thanks to all that and the fact that my mum is really weak herself, she never sleeps. Apparently she gets proper sleep only after dawn breaks because she knows the new day has come and she isn't gonna die in her sleep. (Forgot to mention, the 'stat' she gave an extremely irritated Dad and me that night, was that most deaths due to heart-attack happen during early morning or some crap! Source: Unknown).

And ever since we didn't take her symptoms of an attack to be anything worrisome back then, we now tend to take even small signs slightlyyyy seriously. We try not to show it out because we don't want to increase her already sky-rocketing anxiety levels.

Ok, so where's the cuteness in all of this? Let's get back to the 'situation'. Dad wakes up, jolted from his deep sleep by my sudden,"Appa, amma azhara" (Dad, Mom's crying). And he immediately takes mum into his arms like a baby and rocks her slowly, soothing her down and intermittently asking her,"Enna da aachu? Are you ok? Naa iruken illa? Enna achu? Bayapadade da kutta" (What happened? Are you ok? I'm there, no? Don't get scared baby). And I just couldn't help but feeling like one total idiot for being there in that room right then. But I was rooted. Because it was soooo cute and special to see their love going rock-solid strong even after 30 years. I've always admired that in my Dad. His love and the way he expresses it, it just makes me cry all the time. And my Mom is such a baby. She uses it, you know, her innocence trick. Doesn't work with us but works allll the time with Dad.

Infact, yesterday Dad was realllyyyyy upset he lost his wallet. One reason, apart from the existence of all his cards and contacts in it, was that getting a white wallet is really difficult (Dad wears only white, even his belt, shoes, socks etc etc). But it was only slowly that he blurted out the real reason - He was extremely sad because the wallet had a 30-year old snap of Mom - the way he fell in love with her. And he was pissed as hell with himself for being careless. Not for the wallet, not for the money or the cards, but for that 1 snap. I seriously, seriously found that super-cute.

He isn't the eloquent, quixotic, romantic kinds. Really isn't. But these small gestures of his are sooo...soo....special in their own way, it really rekindles my dying respect for love and its hype. Makes me feel like that little girl waiting for her Prince Charming to come get her :)

P.S: I've been away from the Blog World for 9 days. 9 days of not posting is huge by my own standards. I actually didn't feel like getting on. I guess battling the call to turn Anonymous had a lot to do with it, with mild coaxing from people around me. I still need more thinking on that.

Prayers.

I need your prayers. All of you out there.

My little 3-year old, adorable baby cousin Ashwath is gonna have an open-heart surgery to remove a block in his aorta on the 30th of May. He was born with Congenital Heart Disease. Multiple complications. He had an open-heart when he was just 20 days old. Now suddenly they realised that this growth is growing pretty rapidly and the aorta is 60% blocked. He'd also need to have another valve replacement surgery before he's 20, but ofcourse, there's a long time for that.

The kid is totally normal though. He's as active and hyper as any kid. Like totalllyyyyy adorable and totally cute. Which I guess kinda makes things worse to know that there are so many things going wrong inside that tiny little body.

I was talking to my Dad about this the other night and I was really worried. An embodiment of practicality that he is, he was trying to convince me that the operation would definitely be successful and that prayers could really do wonders. Which is why I'm turning to all of you. Not only for him, but for all those little kids out there with similar problems. You don't even have to believe in God to pray for someone, just goodwill would do.

I think it would make a difference. Thanks.

Getaway!

Now that me hating my work is stale news, it obviously is no surprise that I don't work at all. And so I don't know whether I would qualify as one who requires a 'break', 'vacation' or a 'stress-relieving outing'. But I still feel I deserve it. Because I'm like a bird in a cage, stuck where I don't wanna be and that's as stressful as it can get. Ok, that's like heavy logic and all, so I'm gonna skip that. But, I'm glad that I went on a recent trip to Pondicherry that my sister made me go to. (made => forced, threatened, black-mailed).

Planning for vacations is one of the most important pastimes for my family and friends. It's like building castles in the air. In the midst of a conversation, someone would get a brainwave and say,"Hey! How about we all go to Pondy next week? Ok, we'll call so and so. We could take this car and that. And we could stay here and..........". The next time another one would break out,"Hey!How about we all go to Goa next week?Ok, we'll call so and so. We could take this car and that. And we could stay here and.........". The next time it would be Coorg, Ooty, Kodai - you see we were never short of ideas. We'd plan and plan and plan. We'd laugh about how much of fun it 'would' be and what all we 'could' do.We'd even crack the jokes we 'would' crack and crack over them way in advance like cracks. But on the trip we would never go.

This one, though, was different. It wasn't a family trip (Dad & Mum weren't there) and it wasn't with my friends. It was just the 5 of us -Me, Dolz, Harsh and his 2 best friends (it was one of their b'days on the 4th). I felt like the 5th wheel, the wet blanket, the kebab mein haddi -you get it. My Dad and Mum were insistent I shouldn't go, like I was flying in the air for going on a trip with a mushy couple and unknown guys. Dolly felt otherwise. She felt she would be alone amongst her man and his buddies and she needed me along. Like that stuffed teddy for security.

And go I did. Surprisingly, I had a super-awesome time. Doing nothing much but just lazing around. We started from Chennai by car at around 1 pm. It was like freaking hot and half the trip went by cursing the weather. By the time we reached, it was like 4. We stayed at this really nice resort - 10 km or so from Pondy itself. I LOVED the place. A nice, ancient recluse kinds.

We got to our rooms to change into more comfortable, summer clothes. Now, we sisters aren't swimmers, thanks to Dad being hydrophobic, so we just sat around by the pool sipping cold orange Breezers and watching 3 grown up men act (as nutty as) 3 year olds in the pool. After a while, it got really boring and we decided to get into the pool and just wade around.

We got out at around 8, went up and changed and headed down for dinner. The restaurant was beautiful. French style architecture et al. (It also had a very 'natural' setting, like, we had insects exercising their natural right and flying about unattended) Harsh then came up with a brilliant idea of going down to the beach for a walk. I'm a total dark-o-phobic and I pretty much walked the way with my eyes shut. Thankfully though, the 'men' ran back once they heard a couple of wild dogs howling somewhere in the distance!

My Darling bro-in-law is really smart and his next idea was to talk about, what else at 11.30 pm, but ghost stories. I was mad as hell, I mean, he knowsssss I'm really, really scared! I let him go ahead with it only because I knew how to get my revenge- I would sleep with the lights on and not let him sleep the entire night! Buhahahaha! [Unfortunately a combination of Bacardi and Vodka turned out to be a potent sleeping pill and he was in Dreamland the second his head hit the pillow].

Anyway, we headed back to the room for a drink-and-music session. Harsh was the man of the day. He was in some mood, trust me. Usually the un-romantic types, he seemed bent upon singing only 'romantic' songs (which was the only reason my sis didn't mind the sharp increase in his alcohol intake). Kishore Kumar was everyone's favourite and each one of his songs was brutally rendered by us 4 vocally-challenged people (minus my sis, who's is an awesome singer). Oh, I even played hip-hop tutor for a while. Public demand, you know, tsk tsk. It was hilarious to see them trying out the steps, especially when they were high :D

Finally by 3:30, we retired tired to bed. I couldn't sleep till like 5 am and I woke up by 9 because I vaguely heard that the 'complimentary' breakfast table would close down by 10.15! Once again, the men decided to get sun-bathed in the pool and me and Dolz, for fear of skin-cancer, stayed back. We cut a cake for the birthday boy, had lunch and headed back to Chennai.

Short vacation but high on rejuvenation. I somehow didn't wanna get back. I guess a vacation always does that. It is true, y'know- the lesser expectations you have, the more satisfied you would be. Because I went thinking I'm gonna have a miserable time, but I ended up having a fantastic time.

Work Culture??? Pah!

This is probably the only moment in (my) blogging history that I feel i should've maintained anonymity.

Why? Because I HATE my office and I'm gonna be all super-bitchy in this post and what if someone from here is reading it...? Hmm, actually thinking of it, I'm sure none of these stupid, sad-ass morons around me would even come close to understanding the meaning of blogging.

Why am I here then? I guess it was because my aunt recommended it and so once I got the job, I couldn't turn it down. Also, the pay is decent and then there's the proximity factor. Hardly 10 min from my house. I should've just listened to my Dad. He kept telling me NOT to take this up. But I was insistent, as always, for no apparent reason. First of all, work and me itself are like miles apart. On top of that, I need to work in a place like this. So much for career idu adu. I quit my previous one 5 months into it cuz of this. And it's just been 4 months here. So, Why this frustration?

Reasons:
1. I work in a 3-member department. 2 men & me. Both married, both cheap fuckers. And they have ego-clashes as to who the bigger fucker is.

2. No Freedom of Speech & Movement: There's just ONE girl in this entire damn office that I talk to. Which in itself is a first for me. As in, I generally tend to make friends really fast. But here, since I'm in a totally different department, interaction with others is low. And I'm not complaining because I think I already have too many friends to handle. Now, I sit in the basement and she in the 1st floor. There isn't a loo on my floor (Yea! Imagineee!!!) and so I need to go up everytime. When I do, I just stop over at her place and do the usual "Had lunch?How's work?I'm so boredddd!" talk that lasts all of 2 mins and get back to my seat. Apparently sometime recently, her boss asked her why I keep coming up and talking to her so many times!!! (For 3 l of water, 3 loo-visits is within permissable limits, right??)

3. They have like a fuck-all 'dress code'. You have to wear a dupatta. Even if it has a high neck and full sleeves. Apparently, there are people from local colleges who work here as well and so the precaution.

Corporate Culture - my fucking torn bamboo chappal! I know it probably isn't reason enough to quit, but I sincerely wish I could. I could just say it a million times over that I'm not meant to work. I should be having my own restaurant or boutique. I should be designing clothes and conjuring up delicacies rather than preparing tender bid documents! Ayo ayo, enna kodumai sir idhu! (Translation: Oh!Oh! What torture sir this is! As alwayz, effect lost in translation)

These are also moments when I wouldn't mind being married - as long as the Mister is loaded and I would be designated "Home Maker"! *sigh*

HipHopper!

Update: Taken off the snaps, just incase :)

Moving away from the gloom of the previous post, lemme share one of my happiest, proud-est moments with all of you :)

I passed the Hip Hop Intro-2 examination conducted by the United Kingdom Alliance and received the highest grade for our level- Highly Commended!!!I'm officially, professionally, properly, truly a "Highly Commended" Hip hop dancer!!!! YEA!! WOOHOO!! :) Ok, so is the rest of the group from dance class, but that includes MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Rewind:
I've alwayz loved dancing. When I was a kid, I mostly stuck to swaying my body because I was really conscious of not getting the right moves. And most of my friends were classically trained dancers. Even in college, initially I used to help others choreograph but never had it in me to actually dance on stage. Till, on my 2nd yr "College-day", one of the girls suddenly fell sick on the day of the event and she couldn't get on. Since I had helped them and knew all the steps, I was asked to take her place. My knees were doing their own little jig outta total petrification there (noun form of petrified, don't care if it isn't a word). I've done a lotta stage dramas and shows and stuff as a kid, but this was infront of the entireee college. And you know how guys in college are, especially the kinds in Sathyabama who behave like they have never seen a girl in their life, let alone a girl dancing! But I did it and it was sooo much of fun that the dancer in me was awaken :D

After that there was no looking back. There was the usual dancing at parties and at 'discs' and blah and I realized I realllyyyyy enjoyed dancing. Talks of joining dance classes have been in the air from when I joined MBA, which is like almost 3 years back, but we (Ruby, Janie and I) finally got around to doing it just now at "The Academy of Modern Danse".

Why Hip-hop? Actually, it was the only one with convenient weekend timings. And also, we assumed it was slightly a laid-back form of dance and would be a good choice to start off with. Oh man, were we wrong or were we wrong! Out of a 1 hr class, we basically do 30 min of gruelling, back-killing, muscle-tearing stretches! Even aerobics felt like heaven in comparison. This, combined with the revelation that we have an 'exam' with 'syllabus' for it, made me decide to leave it half-way, keeping up with my excellent track record of hobby-jumping (tennis, gym, music class etc etc). After a lot of convincing by Jane and Ruby, I stayed. And it was worth every-fucking-injury!

Oh and I must add we have like THE BESTEST of instructors. The dude -Balaji, is one of THE best dancers I've ever seen. He is like the embodiment of energy, attitude and style. In the remaining half an hour of effective class, we girls ogle at him for 29.5 min.

The Exam and the run towards it:
Now, the Exam in itself was to be a mere 3 min affair on the 1st of May. We were divided into 3 groups of 4. Ours was the only group that had 3 - me, Jane and Ruby were fucking happy to be together. We were taught 4 steps that had 8 counts, ie, 4 sets of 8 steps. The song was 'Bebot' by Black Eyed Peas. We had to dance it out infront of our 'firang' judges, who flew down from the UK for this.

We actually bunked office the previous day and spent 4 hours rummaging through Spencer's for the right 'hiphop' clothes. We decided on black and pink as the colour-theme and settled on something simple and comfortable, yet cool.

I was really, really, really nervous. We had tons of practice and I was sure of my steps but I guess just the word 'exam' is enough to give me cold feet. We managed to pull it off pretty neat, though and the result is our grade and certificate.

It's supposed to come in the papers and stuff, if and when it does, I shall put it up here for all of you.

"D"

"D" for Death.

Sorry for this morose beginning, sorry for writing on this Dreary Dreaded Depressing topic of Death, sorry to all those of you who thought I'm a happy-happy person all the time, sorry if this post isn't gonna be a happy one and sorry if this is gonna bring you down. But today is one such day when everything else seems immaterial and life itself seems larger than it is.

This post is replacing a VERY HAPPY post. Something I was dying, uh, something I REALLY wanted to share with all of you. Something that meant a whole lot to me, but right now this seems more important.

Someone died in my office today. This boisterous, bold, loud, energetic, live-wire of a woman. I didn't know her personally, ofcourse. Just met her a couple of times, but Death is always shocking, it always hits with full-force. Worst part...? She killed herself. I don't think details are necessary, not that I know much but for this, but it still is unbelievable.

It's moments like these that make me extremely vulnerable to a torment of emotions. I'm sad for her death. I'm happy for my life. I'm thankful for everything. I'm anxious about the future. I'm shocked at her courage. I'm appalled at her timidness. I'm glad I've got all those who are important to me with me. I'm worried for her family. I'm scared for her son's future. I'm curious to know where she's gone. I'm surprised it's HER. I'm admiring the woman she was. I'm wondering why.

I have always felt I am a practical person. I dislike and do not believe in living a quixotic, highly romanticized life. Does not necessarily mean I'm Miss-I-can-take-anything-that-happens, but I try to be. I cry, I break down and all that, but I talk to myself to have the strength to get out less hurt. I try because I want to try. I look forward to living. We do have just one life afterall. All that jazz on re-birth, past-birth and blah can go to heaven. If it happens or did happen, i'm never gonna know right? So I may as well forget what may have been or what will be and concentrate my energy on what is. And that is this life I have.

But I guess it's close to impossible to be practical about death. Probably because of the suddenness of the event itself. And then having to deal with physical absence and all its associated emotions. Anything can happen in the wink of an eye. Good, bad, ugly- anything. It is all going to end one day, so why think of it? Today is here and today is nice. Today is special and today is interesting. Today is NOW. It irritates the living hell outta me these days when small issues are blown outta proportion. when everything is made a life or death situation. Silly don't you think?

Let's forgive and forget. Let's move outta pain and into happiness. Let's try to just make OUR own life worth living. Let's celebrate the smaller things. Let's stop finding fault with ourself and others. Let's try to appreciate the goodness in others. Let's try to accept others the way they are. No point regretting later right?

As my Dad always quotes,"Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we may die". Nothing else seems right to me right now.

May Her Soul Rest In Peace.

Update: I've been brooding ever since and I thought I must share this really awesome quote by, none other than, Thalaivar from his latest movie Shivaji-"Saagara naal terinja, vaazhara naal naragam aayidum" which translates to "If you know when you're gonna die, your living days become hell". I kinda reflect on it all the time.