"D" for Death.
Sorry for this morose beginning, sorry for writing on this Dreary Dreaded Depressing topic of Death, sorry to all those of you who thought I'm a happy-happy person all the time, sorry if this post isn't gonna be a happy one and sorry if this is gonna bring you down. But today is one such day when everything else seems immaterial and life itself seems larger than it is.
This post is replacing a VERY HAPPY post. Something I was dying, uh, something I REALLY wanted to share with all of you. Something that meant a whole lot to me, but right now this seems more important.
Someone died in my office today. This boisterous, bold, loud, energetic, live-wire of a woman. I didn't know her personally, ofcourse. Just met her a couple of times, but Death is always shocking, it always hits with full-force. Worst part...? She killed herself. I don't think details are necessary, not that I know much but for this, but it still is unbelievable.
It's moments like these that make me extremely vulnerable to a torment of emotions. I'm sad for her death. I'm happy for my life. I'm thankful for everything. I'm anxious about the future. I'm shocked at her courage. I'm appalled at her timidness. I'm glad I've got all those who are important to me with me. I'm worried for her family. I'm scared for her son's future. I'm curious to know where she's gone. I'm surprised it's HER. I'm admiring the woman she was. I'm wondering why.
I have always felt I am a practical person. I dislike and do not believe in living a quixotic, highly romanticized life. Does not necessarily mean I'm Miss-I-can-take-anything-that-happens, but I try to be. I cry, I break down and all that, but I talk to myself to have the strength to get out less hurt. I try because I want to try. I look forward to living. We do have just one life afterall. All that jazz on re-birth, past-birth and blah can go to heaven. If it happens or did happen, i'm never gonna know right? So I may as well forget what may have been or what will be and concentrate my energy on what is. And that is this life I have.
But I guess it's close to impossible to be practical about death. Probably because of the suddenness of the event itself. And then having to deal with physical absence and all its associated emotions. Anything can happen in the wink of an eye. Good, bad, ugly- anything. It is all going to end one day, so why think of it? Today is here and today is nice. Today is special and today is interesting. Today is NOW. It irritates the living hell outta me these days when small issues are blown outta proportion. when everything is made a life or death situation. Silly don't you think?
Let's forgive and forget. Let's move outta pain and into happiness. Let's try to just make OUR own life worth living. Let's celebrate the smaller things. Let's stop finding fault with ourself and others. Let's try to appreciate the goodness in others. Let's try to accept others the way they are. No point regretting later right?
As my Dad always quotes,"Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we may die". Nothing else seems right to me right now.
May Her Soul Rest In Peace.
Update: I've been brooding ever since and I thought I must share this really awesome quote by, none other than, Thalaivar from his latest movie Shivaji-"Saagara naal terinja, vaazhara naal naragam aayidum" which translates to "If you know when you're gonna die, your living days become hell". I kinda reflect on it all the time.