May 2, 2008

"D"

"D" for Death.

Sorry for this morose beginning, sorry for writing on this Dreary Dreaded Depressing topic of Death, sorry to all those of you who thought I'm a happy-happy person all the time, sorry if this post isn't gonna be a happy one and sorry if this is gonna bring you down. But today is one such day when everything else seems immaterial and life itself seems larger than it is.

This post is replacing a VERY HAPPY post. Something I was dying, uh, something I REALLY wanted to share with all of you. Something that meant a whole lot to me, but right now this seems more important.

Someone died in my office today. This boisterous, bold, loud, energetic, live-wire of a woman. I didn't know her personally, ofcourse. Just met her a couple of times, but Death is always shocking, it always hits with full-force. Worst part...? She killed herself. I don't think details are necessary, not that I know much but for this, but it still is unbelievable.

It's moments like these that make me extremely vulnerable to a torment of emotions. I'm sad for her death. I'm happy for my life. I'm thankful for everything. I'm anxious about the future. I'm shocked at her courage. I'm appalled at her timidness. I'm glad I've got all those who are important to me with me. I'm worried for her family. I'm scared for her son's future. I'm curious to know where she's gone. I'm surprised it's HER. I'm admiring the woman she was. I'm wondering why.

I have always felt I am a practical person. I dislike and do not believe in living a quixotic, highly romanticized life. Does not necessarily mean I'm Miss-I-can-take-anything-that-happens, but I try to be. I cry, I break down and all that, but I talk to myself to have the strength to get out less hurt. I try because I want to try. I look forward to living. We do have just one life afterall. All that jazz on re-birth, past-birth and blah can go to heaven. If it happens or did happen, i'm never gonna know right? So I may as well forget what may have been or what will be and concentrate my energy on what is. And that is this life I have.

But I guess it's close to impossible to be practical about death. Probably because of the suddenness of the event itself. And then having to deal with physical absence and all its associated emotions. Anything can happen in the wink of an eye. Good, bad, ugly- anything. It is all going to end one day, so why think of it? Today is here and today is nice. Today is special and today is interesting. Today is NOW. It irritates the living hell outta me these days when small issues are blown outta proportion. when everything is made a life or death situation. Silly don't you think?

Let's forgive and forget. Let's move outta pain and into happiness. Let's try to just make OUR own life worth living. Let's celebrate the smaller things. Let's stop finding fault with ourself and others. Let's try to appreciate the goodness in others. Let's try to accept others the way they are. No point regretting later right?

As my Dad always quotes,"Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we may die". Nothing else seems right to me right now.

May Her Soul Rest In Peace.

Update: I've been brooding ever since and I thought I must share this really awesome quote by, none other than, Thalaivar from his latest movie Shivaji-"Saagara naal terinja, vaazhara naal naragam aayidum" which translates to "If you know when you're gonna die, your living days become hell". I kinda reflect on it all the time.

40 comments:

Prathi:-) said...

hi di,
this is truly a sad occasion:( but u knw wht? i smtimes thnk... it takes a huge amt of courage even to end one's life... sometimes my parents drive me nuts... i really thnk the best way to make them understand is by hurting myself... but then i jus thnk of all the thngs i'll miss if im not arnd... dt is wht keeps me ticking... my love, my frnds... my crazy dreams wch i wnt be able to fulfill... i smtimes even thnk abt whr all i will miss going to or eating out at...
but this lady... u say she has a son? hmmmm if only she had thoguth of him........
nwz... moving post di... sad...
May her Soul rest in peace.

--xh-- said...

agree with yor dad.. be happy when we are alive, for tomorrow may never come... itz shocking to know about deathof some one who is with us - who we see and subcontiusly thought they will be there always...
*hugs*

The Techno Maniac said...

I just visited ur blog a minute back.. was wondering why you did not post a blog for some time now...

and here it is! nevertheless.. sometimes sudden death can jolt you back to real life..

May her soul rest in peace..

and you're merry all the time.. i always want you to be that way.. and you know why..

Cheers
Centaur

The Techno Maniac said...

and yeah.. death is not the only thing that rips you away from ppl's life.. there are many other things too!

Centaur

Anonymous said...

"I'm shocked at her courage"

Hello! It's not courageous. It's selfish. If I take my life, the people who are affected most are my parents and family. Thats one good reason not to take your own life.

So here is a spooky story. I used to write for my campus newspaper. I had written an article on depression and suicides. The day the paper hit the streets/hostels a girl took her life.

-Ok

narendra shenoy said...

Suicides are sad! All of us, at one time or another, have felt that it would be wonderful to be dead. To be liberated from life's never ending worries, the pain, the sorrow. But, as OK says, it is an extremely selfish thought. Because when one kills oneself, one causes a million times more grief for those left behind to suffer it than the grief ended for oneself.

Arun Sundar said...

Saringa aapeecar. Agreed on the 'lets forgive and forget' parts.

But committing suicide is a split-second decision - one of the most stupid thoughts that can occur to the 'never-can-be-understood' human brain. Somehow I feel those who take their own lives don't deserve as much respect. They are the most-ignorant and yaaa, despicably selfish people.

V said...

those were some good thoughts you penned down.

suicides can seem cowardly to others but you never really know the actual circumstances the person was in to take such a drastic step. they are scary nonetheless.

and my grand dad died in my arms. so "death" in itself has changed my perception about life. i set very low expectations for myself.

R.I.P

Winds of Change said...

uhoh....okkkkkkkkayyy....it is a VERY sad blog....i dnt wna think too much bout it...cuz jus 2 days back as i told u our watchman passed away....it was PATHETIC....cuz he was one of the MOST reliable/trustworthy/true-by-nature/helpful/totally duty-oriented to the extent...he thot hed get his chest pain checked after his duty hours got ovr!! by then he fell unconscious ...got admitted...blah blah.....he wasnt even my frnd or relative...but v felt the worst wen v got 2 kno he had actually died....one of the MOST dedicated RESPECTABLE person v had EVER seen...anyway...i dnt wna talk too much bout death...its sumthin im too scared to ponder about....cnt take it whoever it is...obvi...

lotsa luv
u kno who

SK said...

Oh oh :--(
What your Dad says is true..
enjoy life to the fullest, afterall you have only one life.
One person in our college did this. Its shocking. and humiliating for the parents. andthis lady with a son too... its sad.
May her soul rest in peace and may her family find solace in her memories.

mayth!! said...

Sad di...we all make radical decisions in life, but suicide is irreversible.
Sometimes you do feel like killing yourself cos it seems like the best thing to do at that moment...but when you have people around who love you, its cruel to end yourlife.

Paavam...wonder what lead her to that decision. What if it was the only way out? :-/

sid said...

I was passing by this place. Death does make one think!--think about that end about which we rarely think. I remember a quote from a famous person "If you lived every day as if it were your last...some day you will most certainly be right". My prayers for the person!

Pri said...

///It is all going to end one day, so why think of it?///

i feel ur not going to like my latest post on my blog 'nostalgic moments' ;)
because i have thought about it--the 'D' word...
jus one of those things u think about sometimes...the unknown..whats going to happen in the end et al...

nice post!:)

Winds of Change said...

jus read my comment agen...realised my english is soooo screwed...too lazy to delete it n mke the correctionz...dnt bothr...

u kno who

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

Oh damn. Killing oneself is the stupid-est and the selfish-est thing that one can ever do! Irrespective of the situation, suicide is cowardly. Period. There is ALWAYS a nice-er way to sort out things than resorting to suicide. I wish she'd thought bout the people who loved her before she took the extreme step!
Well...
May her family recover from the shock soon.

Drenched said...

Like other said here, suicide is not courageous. It's selfish and it's cowardly. She never thought about her kids? About her own parents? All those people who love her and will go through pain when they see what she's done? I have never understood this suicide mentality.
As for death and life, I agree with what your Dad says. It's the only life we have. If we don't enjoy here and live to the fullest, we're not doing justice to it.

Anonymous said...

Well I have a different argument this time as to why suicide is not selfish. See self preservation is the any animal's most basic instinct. Concern for others come much later.
When a human is ready to kill himself it means there is some seriously wrong in his head. Its more chemical. And, so he really does not know what he is doing. Much like when you are under the influence of alcohol.

Analyze this!

-Ok

V said...

to append Ok's thoughts, according to a study, 98% of suicides occur due to momentary imbalance in chemicals which maintain sanity in any human being (we can assume animals do not have to commit suicide when humans are around to hunt them down). when i say momentary, it can even be a nanosecond, and that can cause delusions in a human to an extent to drive them to take this extreme step. the point being it appears as an extreme step to an outsider who perceives things normally but for a person commiting suicide, it may seem like the only option. so if it's an act of cowardice or selfishness is always debatable but when you are in that "moment" of accepting suicide as your only solution, nothing will seem convincing to you.

gradwolf said...

Everyone gets suicidal tendencies at times. How you come out of it, shows your character.

I can't say much on these things as death, always, leaves me speechless. I never find words to say during death. But there is one thing that is coming out of your post. Your attitude. Keep it up for there are only a few like you. Here's to you, Ms Preeti :)

PREETI said...

@Prathi: Yes, it takes a lot of courage...Please understand by killing yourself ur not proving a point to anyone...We have talked enough on this, and i don't wanna harp on it more :)

@xh: *hugs* Yea, one life is all we have, isn't it?

@Techno: There are many things but nothing spells finality the way death does...

@OK: That was definitely a spooky story..i'm pretty sure it wasn't related to your article though...About suicide, i'm gonna agree with the later stated point...It isn't a selfish act, it is a momentary act...Suicides are hardly pre-meditated...We would never know what drives one to such a state of desperation so as to wanna die...As everyone here agrees, we all have felt like dying at some point of time...To escape some deep sorrow...but we never did it right? Only cuz somewhere we wanted to live...Which is why i said i'm shocked at her courage to die and appalled by her timidness not to live...Her family, parents, son - nothin makes sense...And V's comment is perfect too...

@Shenoy: Suicide is a selfish act only in the sense that the person wants to free themselves from their pain...that moment seems larger than life and they feel they can find solace in death...

@Arun: I don't respect people who keep saying "I'll die, i'll die" for everything...It takes a lotta courage to put urself thru pain...or so i think...

@V:Agree totally with both ur points...Setting low expectations is something iv come to understnd and follow too...I've read a few studies on suicides too..And the chemical imbalance thing is right..And so, we cannot expect them to be rational at a moment like that...

@Ruby: I know...it is difficult...Don't worry ok???

@SK:Yea, hope she's found what she's lookin for...

@Mayth: Noone who knows her would believe it cuz she was this total energy ball of a woman...But as u said, maybe this was the only way out...!

@Sid: Welcome here...That's a really nice quote..I'm gonna adopt it...

@Pri: Thanx gurl...Curiosity is natural, but we mustnt dwell on it till it encompasses all our thoughts....Will read ur post soon
:)

@Ruby: Chill madi :)

@Busygurl & Drenched: I agree, but do refer to the above replies...

@OK again: Yes, exactly...It has even been said there maybe a gene that's responsible for suicides...Saw it on some Discovery or smething...Reading up on it would depress me, and so I'm not doin it nw :)

wt said...

D-word scares me but Suicide sure give me the hibeejibees. My heart aches for those high schoolers ending their lives for getting poor grades, so who is to be blamed...the kids, peer pressure, the parents, the socitey...? Oh well, it seems like there are no definite answers for certain things in life. Like you rightly noted, it reminds us to be thankful for the comfortable/blessed life we have, and the kind of family, friends who carry us through our painful moments.

Hope the lady's family survives through this difficult phase and comes to terms with this reversible/tragic loss.

wt said...

corrections:
gives*
irreversible*

:|

gradwolf said...

you missed my comment :(

badshah khan said...

I dread to talk about the "D" word. It scares the shi... out of me. The very thought makes me behave crazy and makes life meaningless ans a waste. Most people might not agree.

rsubras said...

hmm..i was about to ask why the back to the old template change..... then seeing the post, i kept quiet


yea... it is very unfortunate... there are certain things which reminds us of some of the harsh realities of life.. i join you in wishing peace for her soul and wish you never get to witness such kind of tragedies around u in future....

aneri_masi said...

Hi Preeti,
My first time visiting your blog. Its great. Am blogrolling you.

Keshi said...

I got chills down my spine as I read this post Preeti. HUGZ! Im shocked myself even tho I never knew this woman.

Death is traumatising, especially when u know the person who died. Its just beyond our understanding cos Death is so final.


** I'm shocked at her courage. I'm appalled at her timidness

I agree with u on that. Suicide takes alot of courage and at the same time it's timid in some ways. It's like she cud hv tried her best to live somehow.

But no one can be in her shoes 100%, so we should never judge. I lost a great mate of mine for Suicide. He was only 24 and no, no one expected that it wud be him...he was never the kind who'd kill himself. So lively and happy, full of jokes to crack and always annoying me with his silly pranks.

Well I hope this lady's soul rests in peace. And Preeti I want u to know Im here for u anytime u wanna talk abt it. Dun think ur troubling me etc...cos I know how it is to lose someone to Suicide and what it is to live with the scars of it.

yes lets LIVE for TODAY. Thats all I do these days anyways.

TC hun,
Keshi.

Keshi said...

And one more thing,

All the ppl here who 'judge' suicide as a 'selfish', 'stupid', 'cowardly' etc etc act, plz stop and think before u try to speak on behalf of someone else's life and feelings.

No one can be in another's shoes 100% and neither do we all think and act alike. We r also different in 'genes' and 'serotonin' levels in the brain. Therefore, every one of us don't think and react to a situation in the SAME WAY.

So plz stop judging others from ur life's point of view.


Keshi.

rantravereflect said...

it's highly depressing :(
wen i read it the day ya posted it, i t really made me sad..

i guess death only gives meaning to life, and helps us live better..

normal deaths are horrifying enough, suicides are just impossible to reckon with..

a senior of mne, from school- a very smart, beautiful, extremely well-read, rich girl died two years ago- no one knows why she died, cos she used to be known for her courage, which sometimes bordered on arrogance..
it's extremely painful- there are just no words..

may her soul R.I.P.

PREETI said...

@Wolf: SORRRYYY!!! Actually I was like super-super touched by ur comment and i thought i'd comment separately on it...but i was getting late for my trip and i abruptly had to go and i missed it...Sorrryyyyy again!

And thanx...Means a lot to me really...

Here's to u, Mr.Wolf, for being a super-sweet person :)

PREETI said...

@Wicked: Yea,it's really sad to see that something as trivial as exams can affect someone so deep...Says a lot on the bringin up, dont u think???

@Badshah: Ur rite..when confronted with Death of a near one, life itself becomes meaningless...

@Rsubras: "and wish you never get to witness such kind of tragedies around u in future...." Thanx...that was the sweetest thing anyone has said...Thanx..I wish the same to you...

@aneri: Thanx...Welcome here :) Have read a few of your posts silently :)

@Keshi: Thnx gurl..I deifnitely will reach out to u when i need to talk...There r many such moments, really...That was such a sweet thing to say...*hugs* Guess im a lil bettter nw...And I'm with u on suicides not bein selfish..I totally am...Love u...

@Janie: Yea, we already spoke abt it tat day itself...Makes me love life more...Love u di...

The Maverick Blog said...

Suicide doesn't mean that it was She who ended her life... Personally, I believe in Fate and though at one corner of our lives we say that we have to win our fate using our brains, I feel it is practically impossible and uncertian... Even if we win our fate, it is coz of fate...

We can do nothing abt it except keep questioning God for which we will get an answer immediately but we will end up in realizing it only b4 our life ends... Thats the irony of life isn't it? We know its gonna end any day but still we strive to live it to the fullest! Do I sound very negative? :)

Keshi said...

MWAH Preeti!

And I so agree with Maverick's fantastic comment!

Keshi.

PREETI said...

@Maverick: I defnitely dont think tat was a negative comment!And that was perfect...I was really bereaved when i wrote the post and so i guess i forgot to include the destiny angle into it...im a firm believer of it too...i truly believe that whatever is meant to be ONLY will happen..cuz I've seen so many instances of things which seemed soooo certain of happenin, goin haywire in the last min...This gives me the strength to go on further and flout those tears cuz I know i haven't done bad to get bad...And so, whatever happens, happens for the good...Cuz there is a pre-written fate that my life is working towards...Sometimes i think it's an escapist strategy, you knw, that i blame my mistakes on fate by saying "it was meant to happen, i couldnt have done anything to avoid it" but i still am a believer...

@Keshi: Muah! totally fantastic comment his was... :)

kumar said...

fate or not death does cause tremendous pain to the survivors...can understand ur pain in losing a friend

PREETI said...

@Kumar: True...I didn't know her all that well and yet the pain is immense...Hmm..

The Maverick Blog said...

@ Keshi

Thanks :-)


@ Preeti

Well yes... If things r out of our hand, blaming it on Fate will seem like its an escapist strategy.. I concur with u... But unfortunately or fortunately thats the truth.. We just need to learn to live with it... I am sure its the most difficult ask... I have experienced what u r experiencing now.. I know how it feels..

Appreciate your thought of bloggin it down... On an ending note,
"whatever happens, happens for the good" might not be true always... But, "whatever happens, happens for a reason" is true always...

Cheers! :-)

Keshi said...

**whatever happens, happens for the good" might not be true always... But, "whatever happens, happens for a reason" is true always...


I so agree with that Mevrick.

I recently read a research article on FATE and FREE WILL. Even scientists hv recently found that FATE is genetic too. Whats gonna happen will happen and apparently we dun hv control of our lives like we think we do. Even the fate is genetically designed!


Keshi.

The Maverick Blog said...

@ Keshi

//Fate is Genetic//

Sounds interesting... Do u have any links to this article? Thanks..

PREETI said...

@Maverick: I just hope there is a reason for whatever's happenin to me :D thanx for sharin ur thoughts...and u too Keshi babe... :)