Apr 10, 2008

Sorry seems to be the hardest word!

Everyone makes mistakes. Come on, to Err is Human after all, right? But what if you make the same (or any) mistake over and over again? Are you to be forgiven? Or, more precisely, am I to be forgiven?

I seem to have a mental and verbal block when it comes to mouthing the word 'Sorry'. I actually gave a 15 min lecture to Prathi recently on why I feel saying sorry is total bullshit. My arguement...? That there's no point in saying sorry once the damage is done. I think it adds insult to injury. Like- "I'm sorry I said you were a fat pig". "Oh, I'm soooo sorry I made fun of your teeth, hair, eyes and nose the other day". "Oops, sorry for stepping on your freshly pedicured feet with my freshly soiled (& hard soled) shoes". I mean, what's the point? Does saying sorry really assuage that moment of pain/grief of whatever?

It's not like I don't say sorry at all. It just takes me a while to say it like I mean it. I need to feel the need to say it. To feel that I've done something wrong. I equate saying sorry to melodrama. Because the word alone is never enough and it has to be supported by explanations. And I suck at it. My (copyrighted) explanation for anything would be,"This is me. This is how I am. Period". Which obviously is never a strong enough reason for what I did, and definitely never understood by the other party. Most times, I just say it because I have to. Like a template. To appease the situation before it blows out of proportion. Like that pinch of sugar/salt you add to take the fizz outta aerated drinks.

I also get irritated when someone says sorry. 1 sorry is definitely not equal to 1 liter of saline water. And 1 sorry is definitely not equal to @%^&* joules of energy spent bawling like a mad woman! But if it is hurled at me, it wouldn't elicit more than an "Uh, ok. Because I don't know whether to say it's ok, or it's not ok or...what? I don't know!

And so, if and when I do say a sorry and it is accompanied by a decent-sounding explanation, you can be sure it means I'm really, totally, absolutely sorry. Like from the bottom-most bottom of my big heart. From every artery, vein, auricle and ventricle of my heart. You get it right?

Now, I'm gonna do something pretty dumb. I'm gonna use this post to apologize to someone I've NEVER said sorry to till now. For all the pain and hurt I have caused. Sooooooo many things I wish I could go back in time and Ctrl+Z!

That person is 'me'. This apology is for:
1. Hurting myself over and over again.
2. Unecessary, unwanted quanitities of tears shed.
3. Making stupid decisions (in the past and now) inspite of knowing that it wouldn't work out.
4. And most recently, for using the eye make-up remover unjudiciously, knowing that I'm allergic to it, resulting in, like obvious, a scab-like under-eye allergy.

I sincerely hope that I shall be forgiven by my Divine Self.

P.S: 1. Don't reach out for the phone to call the asylum. Don't worry, I certainly do not suffer from "Multiple-personality disorder". This is just me. This is just how I am ;)

2. If it seems like I've contradicted myself somewhere there, it maybe so, because my thoughts on this aren't all that clear, even to me.

3. I started this post day before yesterday during one of my usual low moments. I did something stupid again and I really felt like saying sorry (to myself) for letting myself go through those shitty emotions and all that crazy pain. But then, the whole of yesterday, I was doing a lot better and I didn't feel like going ahead with it. But then again today I got reminded of what I did and so here it is, a full-blown apology note to myself! [Confused...??? :D]

4. Uh, I was supposed to add another P.S, don't remember it now :D


Winds of Change said...

phew....all i can say is.its sooo true!! ...sorry definately is the hard word wen vr in wierd situationz...but then agen...thr r sum ppl who jus continue talkin shit no matter how rude it may sound...its not that they wna hurt u but they jus dont think!! .....dats sumthin i can nvr understand....cuz however gud/saintly u mite try n be, wen u say sumthin like 'oh u luk pathetic today' needs jus a pinch of common sense cuz any1 wud b hurt. to top it all...sayn sorry for anythin and everythin takes the meanin of the word away....i hav also kept teln ppl this...i kno u wudnt agree...but i jus feel dat wen ur sorry..it does require sum kinda explanation...as in...y such a thing happened...i do kno dat thrz nothin dat can be done ovr spilt milk....but according to be...explainin the situation definately makes a difference. its not about not trustin the them if they dnt gve any explanantion...it jus makez seem better ....hope u got my point..;)
im REALLY REALLY glad u said sorry to urself for all those thingz....u hav no idea hw glad i am...especially for the last one! lol!!!!! :D

lotsa luv
u kno who

kumar said...

hey preets,I guess u need to reach for that big bar of chocolate..preferably rum n raisin to cure ur heart of such feelings...hope chennai has some gud choc places

Superficial Gibbering prater said...

I dont know whether it is ok to say "sorry" ,but definitely didnt feel "sorry" for having read this post of urs.I am "sorry" if whatever i typed doesnt make any sense.err..I wanted to write a comment without using the word "sorry"..Ended up with quite the opposite i guess..now i am sincerely "sorry" for this.

Prathi:-) said...

babes... lets keep the imp of sorry just a mile away for now...
im frankly concerned more abt u... whtz wrng di????
as in... if something is very uncomfortable for u... and somethng is causing u some pain... jus dnt do it...
now cmng back to sorry... hmmmm wrng person to talk abt it... but i say whnever i feel im being a hindrance of sm sort... familiar words??? ;)
nwz... now abt the climax... abt apologizing to urself... well.. for all the unwanted thoughts and mental pain... u deserve it:)
nwz... have fun:)
love u di:)
see u soon:)

--xh-- said...

sorry is a word one should use very judiciously. saying sorry for the sake of it irriates teh hell out of me, but then there have been situatios when i did something totally stupid which hurt people who love me, and i had nothing but a sorry from the bottom of my heart to fix that.
i like the way you ended the post - by saying sorry to you. :) hope you are keeping fine, preetz.

The Techno Maniac said...

Hi Preets,

Well, I know sorry cannot make a dead man alive.. However, I do believe it will make a live man happy..

I am not commentin more.. I am tired of fitin you..

and i shall now know on to how to irk you more ;)


Vrij said...

Hello. My first visit here. Quite a collection of interesting posts u have here.

Yes, its always difficult to get onto the backfoot by telling sorry (yeah, too much cricket I know.. hehe). Its ok if someone genuinely means to say so, but then its probably the most abused word in the dictionary. A lot of ppl want to get away with whatever they do (most times willingly) with a sorry. Sad but true.

CM-Chap said...

Phew... truth bluntly said. But I guess usage of this word varies from society to society...

In western world ppl say this word several times a day and expect u to say as well :-)

OK said...

Huh! You have a tatoo. You can get away with murder. At least in more than 8 states in the law states that if you have a tatoo you dont need to apologize to jerks (might include you also).

See 'sorry' is like the easiest way to get out of a tight situation. Do something stupid and then apologize. Usually, when is see somebody this is how I greet them

"Wassup? And I am sorry for this, that and everything. Sorry for the situation in Iraq, Tibet. I couldn't do anything about it."

Drenched said...

Oh, I SO hate the word too! It's such a common word that you can get away with bloody murder with a measly squeaky sorry. Who needs to care about what they say/do? If they screw it up, they can mumble a sorry and voila, redeemed again. I don't say it unless I really really mean it, just like you. There's no point uttering such disgusting words unless you must. And if someone throws around sorries at random ("Sorry, I was late" - hell, you aren't sorry! Look at you, traipsing around so casually!; "Sorry, I spilt the water on your books!" - Yes, and I wonder why that grin with that lousy sorry and so son...), I've always made sure that the person is very sorry indeed, albeit after saying the sorry. :P

And I think the best way to throw the tension/sadness/annoyance out of the system is to pick up a fight with some idiot and insult the living hell out of them. I'm itching to do it tonight. Too bad I am at home and my poor parents are generally very nice to me. I must go idiot-hunting tomorrow. Hope the mood persists.

Confounded-Lady said...

Looks like I'm not the only confounded kid in the block :|

Sorry is tough. I agree with you though, it doesnt undo anything. But at least its an indication that you werent callous enought to not feel guilty about what you'd done/not done, said/not said.

@OK: Yes, she has a tatoo.
get over it sweetie. :P

Confounded-Lady said...

...picture me giving you a packet of Skittles and Tobelorone :D

Feeling better? :-/

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

Hmm, saying JUST a sorry is like, "okay you said it, so? whats done cant be undone, can it?" ..but, apologising AND making up for it, in full! is different. oh yes, with elaborate explanations too.. this really makes the fact that you're-really-sorry-bout-it obvious and that's more or less, what counts after all! :)

and i liked the end..so nice that you apologised to yourself! :)

oh yess, btw.. i'm monica.


rantravereflect said...

Agreed,many a times an in-the-air, flippant sorry doesn't make a difference
like they say, sorry buri kupa thotti lorry.
But ya know wat, wen i've had a heated argument with THE people i love the most,i've always seen tat a 'genuine' sorry frm the bottom of my heart really does make a huge difference. Somehow it's like reachin out to the other person and sayin 'i really care and i'm sorry, sorry i see it this way and i understand ya see it the way you do'.. the inevitable response is 'hey i'm sorry too.. i didn't really mean all those mean things i said.'. and the matter ends there- the pandora's box is sealed then n there, it's like coagulation- healed.. If the sorry isn't said at these important junctures, it often leaves both with a Lotta unanswered questions/UNWARRANTED HURT..

This is not to challenge your post peeto, i've always understood your stand point on this issue- cross my heart,,
it's just tat a genuine sorry is like a genuine thank you to me..
i do make fun of prathi at times, but it's only the Manner in which she says it(SORRY SORRY SORRY), but i apppreciate the fact that she dus say sorry, cos like ya said, it's as hard to say sorry as it is easy to say 'fuck'!.

i NEVER used to say sorry much before; then again i never used to say 'i love you' much before.
after something that happened in my life (ya know wat tat is), i say these more, for all the times i hadn't used them before, and believe me, it heals..

no pressure though guys! i'm a senti fool, I'm actually crying: its 1.40 am, and EVEN i KNOW, saying sorry to the person I hurt the most (ya know who again) won't make a difference to him, but yeah, i 'mean' it and I love him still.

Sorry, none of the above!

a)peeto, grt post!
b)saying sorry to yarself helps, it's a definite healer!

Anonymous said...

Imagine someone did a mistake and he/she did not do it deliberately. What will he/she come and tell you?

Someone: Hey, I did not do it deliberately, ok?

Preeti: Ok

Hehe. If only it was that easy. Sorry is like a flag that conveys the fact, you meant it.

Tell me sorry is useless, I disagree.

Tell me sorry is misused, I agree.


SK said...

hahaha, funny!! You saying sorry to yourself :--))

I do kind of agree with you on the saying sorry part. I wont say it unless I really mean it.

Good one!

Nirmal's Blog said...

hey nice post ...even if u call it non stop nonsesnse ..it some time makes sense...

and u said to err is human...man i have to do something so tat people will call me human...i m so perfect..

PREETI said...

@windz: honoured to have u as the first commenter (inda dialogue a romba solreno???hehehe) n i knw hw happy u r abt the last self-apology of mine :D

@kumar: Rum n raisin...hw'd u knw i luv tat??? [Uhm actually i love chocolates in any form... ;)]

@Superficial: Lol..'Sorry' i cnt help laughin! ;)

@prathi: aka Sorry girl! ;) im fine di...mcuh better nw :)

@xh: i am fine now...thnx again for tat super mail of urz on the 'sorry'...opened my eyes quite a bit...n good to knw we'r on the same lines :)

@techno: no comments ;)

@vrij: Welcome here...n Thanx!"But then its probably the most abused word in the dictionary" oh my god, i could almost hear myself say it...n i cnt believe i forgot to use tat phrase here...cuz i ALWAYZ say tat...soooo trueee!

@cmchap: then its a good thing im in india ;)

kumar said...

yeah me too...chocolate in any form is gud for health n soul...back in blore wat we do when we are dull is go have a FULL DBC at corner house..everything seems better after dat...hope ur back to being ur cheery self:-)

PREETI said...

@Ok: which states would those be..?i could try n gt a permanent residence thing for those places then ;) n im ignorin the 'jerk' bit :P hehe...n lol@ the sorry greeting ;)

@Drenched: U know what? my friend called me up ystrday nite n she ws readin out ur comment here to me, n the both of us wr laughin our guts out...n she ws all praise for ur sense of humour :)

btw, did u find the idiot u wr lookin for...???

@mayth: hahahaha@ the comment to OK

but hey considerin my tattoo cnt b seen, i wudnt mind any admiration comin this way thnx to it, so plz ;) hehe...

@mayth again: SKITTLESSSSS!!! would u plz b a kind soul n gt me some...please,pleae, PRETTY PLEASEEE!!! :-/

@busygurl: Monica huh? Really..?? No wonder then tat ur a perfectionist ;) :P

@janie: Counter comments r alwayz welcome cuz they make me think :) as i said, i myself am nt too certain as to exactly wat i think of this...my point is on the unjudicious use of the word...abusin it left,rite n centre...it does make a difference when said like its meant not as a quick-fix solution to everytin... :)

@Gradwolf: Agree...Totally...That is what i mean too...Sorries aren't useless, they are misused...But the misused ones r useless...Sometimes unintentional/circumstantial actions could cause a whole lotta pain...like "Im sorry we have to break up"...the sorry there fades into oblivion, dont u think???

@Sk: Thanx! :)

@nirmal: LOL! perfect guy huh? Hmmm... ;) yea i guess in the midst of all my nonsense, thr is some sense! :D

PREETI said...

@Kumar: Iv heard soooooooo much abt this Corner House place. Damn! Wish i ws in blore, esp when im low! N thnx for askin, yes im bak to my cheery self now :D

kumar said...

blore is not very far off,do visit shall take u there..good to hear ur bk being urself..as they say bk home weekend enjoy maadi..:-)

PREETI said...

@kumar: will definitely let u knw whn im droppin in :) n to u from chennai 'weekend enjoy panu' ;) haha!

kumar said...

nandri thalaivi...weekend ponnuparko ponum ....meedhi monday pesikilaam...TC bye

Anonymous said...

i think so. i have a present day live example.

Sorry, I didn't tag you :P

Anonymous said...

i too second corner house is good. its finger licking deliciously good. I've been there...muhahahaha..

ok free. you are 4 hrs away and I am more than 30 hours and number of time zones away.

PREETI said...

@kumar: All the best!

@Gradwolf: The sorry is for...not tagging me in the beginning or is it an exasperated sorry as in,"Ayo!Appa!I'm SORRY i didn't tag u!!! Aala vidu da saami!: :D ;)

N yea,I definitely HAVE to gt to this corner house place nw!

narendra shenoy said...

There are many situations where you should not say sorry. In fact, there are many situations where you'll be real sorry if you said sorry. Picture this. You are sitting in an important meeting. There is a big promotion going to be decided and your rival for that position is present too. You've had too much Mexican last night and you can't help loosing one of those silent, real stinky ones. Do you

a) Look crestfallen and say Sorry for all the trouble you've caused the fine gentlemen of the appointment committee.

b) Look pointedly at your rival and say "I sure hope your insurance covers gas trouble"

The correct answer is b. If you answered a, your career is in jeopardy.

Moral. Never say sorry unless someone has a gun to your head

Drenched said...

ROFL @ Shenoy's comment! I am going to stop blog hopping at night, man! Laughing like an idiot at 1 am drives all the measly sleep away.

And yeah, I found two idiots today! One was this bloody post-office guy who wasn't giving me my important stamps and kept on chattering with the woman next to him while sipping his goddamned tea. It was already 4:45 pm or something! So, I yelled for ten therepeutic minutes because he kept on arguing how he was "busy". I finally got my stamps, posted my Happy Birthday card and traipsed away happily. ;)
The second was the dumb Emirates' help service guy. I'd lost some luggage three months ago and it contained all my precious books and even signed copies by Vikram Seth and Shashi Tharoor. (I nearly died when they informed me in Delhi that this particular suitcase was lost.) The airlines people have been doing the same drama ever since. I've given up all hope and today, I threatened the idiot to either compensate me (I've decided to claim for Valentino, Gucci, Prada and other costly stuff :P) or find my luggage within a week. It wasn't so good to yell into a receiver though. The expressions of the idiot are half the fun. ;)

Drenched said...

Forgot to mention: I am so much in the pink today thanks to all this venting. :D
Oh, and thankees to your friend. I am glad I provide some entertainment to people. I shall attain nirvana someday because of this good deed.

rsubras said...

hey sorry i cudnt comment on it earlier

rsubras said...

hehee was just kidding...

anyway...i empathize with the feelings with which u had written this post....

might sound weird...but sometimes sorry is like using lotion to most of the injuries caused... agreed..most of the times it only comes from lips and not from the heart...but in some times, if the other guy is not bothered to even say a sorry, the person concerned will feel very aggrieved :)

Keshi said...

how true..SORRY is often the hardest word to UTTER but is most often FELT. I think the EGO n PRIDE stops us from saying it. But also, when u say SORRY, u gotta mean it..if not, it's better now say it at all.



OK said...

Hey I have moved


PREETI said...

@Shenoy: Hahahahahahaha! Ok, i'll reply better when i cn think better..right now, ur humour has coaused a momentary blank out in my upper chamber!!

@Drenched: Super awesome to catch u in the pink girl! really...im gonna send out thank u notes to those idiots, who r responsible for ur current state of hyper-pinkness! ;)

@rsubras: haha! but yup, ur right...it is like the lotion on a wound...a sorry cn help heal, but when used in the rite vein...

@kesh: Yup, i forgot to mention tat Ego and Pride are sorry-suppresants...i hv a bit of both tat kick into action when iv to say sorry :-/ *Hugz*

@OK: new page huh? same OK dane???

Vasanthan said...

being sorry is not the cure. not doing it again is.

PREETI said...

@vasanthan: Superly said... I just hope everyone out there reads this!

Silvara said...

interesting...i find that sometimes sorry is all the other person wants to hear and it DOES appease the situation. people who would know u would understand that when u say sorry - u mean it completely....but when u don't there is nothing to let them know that u ARE sorry.

Recently in Australia here, the new government said 'Sorry' to the the indigenous Aboriginals for the treatment of them and the Stolen Generation issue, something that the previous PM refused to do. So on the day it happened - it was was considered one of the most important days in our history - not becasue it can ever erase the eyars of torment but because SOMEONE was finally admitting it happened, acknowledging their pain and giving an indication that they were remorseful.

So don't ever underestimate the power of the word sorry - even if u don't believe in it.

PREETI said...

@silvara: I don't underestimate it...neither do i not belive in it...my point is 'I' find it hard to say it for everything...and nice of the Government to say sorry...they MEANT n so they said it...tat was my point :)

Satan said...

For first time mistake sayin sorry is OK, but if its repeated again the word sorry loses out its intensity

ruSh.Me said...

I agree with satan....

Sorry the first time.... might make up for the grief...
but again n again is like a Hair streaking gone bad.... no matter, how much you coat, re-coat, paint, re-paint.... base still shows..!!!

Satan said...

Wow sweetheart !!!

Finally u agreed on sumthing with me !!!

PREETI said...

@Rush.me & Satan: I agree with what both of u agree on! :) I just feel it's a highly abused and misused word...Sad, but true...

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