Feb 12, 2008

Bald n 50, hot n sexy..?!

Rating: A

Disclaimer: This is not a work of fiction. Rather, as always, a work of emotion. It is not meant to hurt or please either sex. Dissent is natural and welcome.

Latest addition to my ‘List of Taboo Words’ - MEN (Also includes Man, Boy and anything masculine. FYI, few others would be diet, weight-loss etc etc).

Irrespective of age, I think they all think with the wrong part of their anatomy. I agree there are exceptions. There are those scattered, unintentionally good souls. The ‘decent’ lot. But then as my profs in MBA would say, “Exceptions are not examples!” And so, I can safely say that majority of the men in the world are born bastards. My views may seem extreme but I speak outta experience! I am pretty fortunate to have around me some of those real good guys. But then again, there are the others…

Case 1: The Boss - Right now the most happening story in my life.

The scoop: Getting hit on by my new boss at my new workplace. Bald and 50, glasses and a mole AND half my height! Oh and yea, he’s got a daughter who’s almost my age!

The Gory details: Unnecessary hand holding, extra long hand shakes (inspite of me trying to yank my hand away), irking references to ‘walks on the beach’ with us ‘holding hands’ and me in ‘western clothes’.

His explanation (for the ‘walking on the beach bit’): To test how conservative Chennai is, and to observe what stories people would spin seeing us together! [To which I actually told him something as lame as my ‘arranged’ marriage would get affected by it]

My retaliation: Though delayed, I managed to muster the guts to go and tell someone about what’s been happening. I know, I know. I should’ve done this earlier (waited almost 2 weeks, but then, it’s just been 2 weeks since I joined!). I should have probably told him off myself. I’m not denying I’m a coward. I hate the very fact that I am. But I just wanted to make sure of his intentions. I didn’t wanna seem assumptive or that I read in between lines. Come on, I was just 2 weeks in! Anywayz, case is pretty much solved. Sad part is I still report to him, but after a lot of convincing from the HR, the MD and a few others, I do see sense in remaining where I am.

After-math: Mr. I’m-so-sexy has his hands to himself and his tongue behind his teeth. (cuz hez got this ugly gap in between his teeth and he talks with a slight lisp when his tongue gets there. Blech!) Nothing untoward. As yet…

Case 2: The Random Lurker – Crass, gross and all those extra-eeewww stuff

The scoop: Me and Dolz. One walk through Rakiyappa theru at 9.30 pm. One stalker. Denim clad, cap and book in hand.

The Gory details: Dolz gets all paranoid that it’s too late to walk. [For all the right reasons. I, on the other hand, vehemently denied and condemned her fears as irrational. Afterall, juz WHAT could happen to 2 SALWAR clad girls walking down a dark alley hardly 100 yards away from their house. Special emphasis on the ‘salwar’ for those of you who are murmuring – jeans la pota pasanga paaka dan seivanga (i.e: if you wear jeans and all, obviously guys would look. Like it matters!)]

Anywayz, back to the scene of action. I keep telling her to shut up and walk. She walks faster. I beg her to slow down. Mr. Hunk walks faster. He overtakes us. I look at her and triumphantly think, “See, he wasn’t out to get us. Happy?” Just then she overtakes him. And I have no choice but to run and keep up. And then it happens. He says “Excuse me”. I don’t know what made me turn (my excuse still is that I thought he was calling to say we had dropped a bag or something). Dolz walks forward. I turn. He says, “If you don’t mind (!!!!), can I taste your ******”. In ENGLISH. Like saying ‘if you don’t mind’ would actually make me not mind. Like it’s mandatory to be polite at the most irrevelant-est of moments. Like I would be all forthcoming in the middle of the road (or anywhere). Like all I wanted was to turn around and….

My retaliation: Thu, oru mannu um illa. I ACTUALLY screamed, pulled Dolz’s hand and RAN. And HE turned around and walked away.

After-math:

1. Immediate: Shivering, sweating, heart thumping so hard it ached, tears and complaints to alllllllllllllll. (except appa amma cuz if they knew, I would be under house arrest irrespective of night or day)

2. 30 mins later: Embarassment. For having run away. Anguish. For his audacity and my foolishness at not listening to Dolz. Anger. At all men, and hence this blog. Resolve. To learn self defense and carry pepper spray. To never walk again- at night. To listen to Dolz more often, she is elder by 4 years after all!

3. Next morning: Sheer self-disgust. Thanks to my darling friends rubbing it in.

“You should have just turned and given him one-tight slap. I would’ve done that”.

“You ran? You should have held his hand and cut it! Carry a knife di”

“Medical advice: Crush his throat with index finger and thumb. Would stop blood to his brain and he would suffocate” (Like my dumb, numb mind could process that then)

Guys advice: “ONE kick where it hurts most. Would have put the fear of God in him”.

Questions my mind is throwing-up (literally) now:

1. Why me?

2. What if his family knows? (the boss)

3. Does he even understand what he is saying? (the stalker)

4. Why me?

5. Why can’t I be bolder?

6. IF (God forbid!) this happens again, what would I do?

7. Thank God Dolz was there with me. If not…? *shudder* [Not like I would have done anything but run otherwise]

8. Any one know where I can get hold of that pepper spray? A shot gun perhaps?

9. Any other suggestions for how to tackle mean men…?

10. And yea...are all men this way????

Answers please!

21 comments:

Winds of Change said...

1. Why me?
ITS NOT ONLY YOU. SUCH THINGS HAPPEN TO MANY INNOCENT PPL
2. What if his family knows? (the boss)
DATS NOT UR PROB.

3. Does he even understand what he is saying? (the stalker)
HEZ A PSYCHO SO HE WUDNT KNO

4. Why me?
REFER TO ANSWER OF Q1!!

5. Why can’t I be bolder?
ITS EASY FOR US TO SAY U CUDVE SLAPPED/CUT HIS HANDS ETC. WEN UR IN THE SITUATION, ITS TOUGH TO BE DAT WAY


6. IF (God forbid!) this happens again, what would I do?
CARRY CILLY POWDER/SMALL BAYGON SPRAY FRM NW ON.


7. Thank God Dolz was there with me. If not…? *shudder* [Not like I would have done anything but run otherwise]
U DNT HAV TO THANK ME. DNT HALLUCINATE


8. Any one know where I can get hold of that pepper spray? A shot gun perhaps?
REFER TO ANSWER OF Q6

9. Any other suggestions for how to tackle mean men…?
DONT INTERFERE IN2 ANYTHIN LIKE COMPLAININ OR DUIN ANYTHIN TO THEM. THIS IS NOT U.S.


10. And yea...are all men this way????
NO CLUE. DONT HINK TOO MUCH

Prathi:-) said...

woow.. rupz.. dts one hell of a comment...
and p333???? whn on earth did dis happennnnn???? i nvr came ot knw.. abt pepper spray??? i'll tell u whr to get it... carry it arnd like ur cosmetics:)
abt guys being dis mean??? cheap??? well... even the seemingly decent ones can be bad... so.. jus the underlined fact... plz dnt trust any guy... and strange guys???? nvvvrrr... dnt walk late int eh ngt.. plzzz... whtz wrng wth u? and abt listening to dolz???? well.. im wth u der.... elders have the nasty habit of saying the rgt thngs sometimes;)
as to why u... becoz u were nutters enf to walk at 9 30... in the ngt... in chenn.. the city generally becomes quiet at arnd 9... so.. jus try n keep that in mind... abt ur boss??? frankly speaking... i thnk dey shud knw wht kind of a bastard he is... he doesnt deserve a happy family back home aftr all the crap shit he does outside...
hw to tackle mean men???? plz dnt stay bck to tackle.. jus go... leave the psyco n go as far as possible 4m him... dts the safest possible option....

--xh-- said...

1. Why me?
You got good friends, education, and a good job. did you ask Why me? Shit happens. same as good things. kind of two sides of a coin.

2. What if his family knows? (the boss)
itz his headache.

3. Does he even understand what he is saying? (the stalker)
Guy must have been a nut case - some kind of mental unstability - same lot as of sadists and otehr nut cracks.

4. Why me?
Ans.1

5. Why can’t I be bolder?
You can. but when you are faced with unexpecetd circumstanses, the first thought which usually run throug brain is to run and escape. you can be bolder when you master your fear. there is nothing to be ashamed of running. itz just human. if you can, take self defense classes. they do amazing stuff to your morale.


6. IF (God forbid!) this happens again, what would I do?
Fight if you can master the situation, or run and be safe.


7. Thank God Dolz was there with me. If not…? *shudder* [Not like I would have done anything but run otherwise]
I dont think Dolz being there would have changed the equation.


8. Any one know where I can get hold of that pepper spray? A shot gun perhaps?
Just google. lot of stores selling them now a days.

9. Any other suggestions for how to tackle mean men…?
learn some self defence. try to master your fear, and carry some self protection - pepper spray, chilli powder,knife; anything. When i need, I carry a swiss army knife for protection.

10. And yea...are all men this way????
No. If you still have doubt, take a look at your dad.

mayth!! said...

Preets honey.

I'm terribly sorry that you had to be stalked by this jerk at night. Curse the 'ol bast****.

I dont think I could even imagine how traumatizing that would be but yes, I know how terrified it leaves you cos a few years back, I was stalked by some jerk all the way back from Anna Nagar to Mandaveli, on a Sunday-noon. He even followed me from the bus stand.

I had to go running into some arbit flat pretending as though I lived there.It scared the shit out of me even though this happened at daylight.

I dont have words of wisdom except that, its never safe for any woman of ANY age to travel alone in this world.

I hope you get rid of this boss once n for all. Rid as in, rid!

Maythini said...

@xh: Love the last comment.

Winds of Change said...

A DECLARATION: Well....i mite hav sounded rude in my comment....but i jus wanted wantd to sound practical (at the same time not too serious)....dats bout it....and yeah...it is definately tough wen ur in dat kind of a situation...and probably i wudve reacted the same/worse manner too...so i guess we jus hav to maintain a distance however gud/bad men r 2 us...so dat they dnt cross the limits...and its really not just u...there r definately a LOT of ppl who meet such crappy ppl....so...dnt worry.....jus b glad ur ok! :)

Jagannath said...

preetz...this thing happens to everybody (a guy-friend of mine was felt up by a gay afro-american in a metro train here)...maybe only girls in india...but i guess we all should definitely stand up to these no-good doers...no point in running away..cos that instigates them to do more..pepper spray is a good idea...and the kick is a swell idea...i guess its as they say "fight fire with fire"...u shud never keep quiet..always give back an equal response..though u would ideally think it is easy to say than do...i guess its about time to step up to avert this nonsense in the future..and i m sure if u do it once...u will be well prepared for the next time (maybe u would be able to aim ur spray better :D )

About ur boss...i have seen some friends who have had cranky (or maybe over-zealous is the word??) supervisors treating them as though they are his property..for which i guess u did the right thing...no confrontations with ur boss...period..not bcos u care a shit about ur impression or ur boss's...u need the pay ...simple as that!...

P.R.E.E.T.I said...

Thanx all of u for the overwhelmin response ;) bt really im glad :)

@Ruby: u dint hv to do the declaration babe! itz ok ;) i cn handle a lil straight-forwardness :D

@prathiboo: Im gna try stayin as far away from trouble as possible...n from all weirdos alike :-/

@xh: Gt myself a swiss army knife...much needed...thnx :) n yup,lookin at my dad did give me a lotta reassurance :)

@mayth: im nt the only one...makez me feel so much better...i guess the world will never b the same if the 'sidey bunch' wsnt thr...!

@jag: GR8 to c u here :) n yup, u r SO rite, i need the pay...DAMN, i do!

luv ya all...

The Techno Maniac said...

Preets,

I am not gona comment on this.. But one thing.. as much as there are bad guys.. there are bad gurlz as well.. we each have our own way of handling them.. You can manage ppl wen u hav had bad experiences..

Once you got ur experience, hopefully, you wont repeat your actions and in your case.. be armed with enuf materials to handle them..

Things are more like they are now than they have ever been!

Cheerz,
Techno Maniac

Ok said...

Hmm.. the guy is interesting. Had there been a couple of other guys around I would have said it was a bet.

One girl I knew was being followed on her bike. She drove straight to a police station:).

Chill, maady! See now you have a story to tell your grandkids;)

-Ok

P.R.E.E.T.I said...

@techno: :) no comments :D

@OK: i agree, a few more guyz n it prob may hv been a bet...!gud thing i dnt drive..(anything) im saved the trouble of wat to do while bein-followed-on-the-go! :D thnx for droppin by!

The Techno Maniac said...

you better not!

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

clicked on random links and came here!
im supposed to be studyin now..(even have my gtalk staus as "studyin-dont msg") but this blog, rather this post, sure had me hooked!
and i read xh's comment. i think it sums up ethin very very well! :)
u tc :)
you'll learn, experience tis! first time, most people falter..ntn to worry bout! :)

P.R.E.E.T.I said...

@satti :P

@busywriter: thnx gurl! guess it never is too late to learn :) im learnin tat nw ;)

Lambuchops said...

I probably shouldnt judge, but ur boss is unsettled and I dont understand how someone like that can get any work done. At least u took it to HR..

The second incident disgusts me no end and this is something I've begun to hate the city for more and more. I took a friend to Mocha and she was made to feel uncomfortable even there. But this is worse. I think running away was the smart thing to do at the time. Playing tough doesnt always work right..I found out the hard way!

rantravereflect said...

:)
there are zoze psychoz, zoze maniacs!- n sumtymes they're not jus men!
Lets get diagonal:
my aftermath:
a)Ya talk of two men who are in tat category- in truth,they're the one who are the exceptions, n hence, they're no way the real examples:)

b)tRUST IS MEN is not to be lost cos of these weirdoz!

c)They're a category tat these people fall into- n this category sometimes includes women; many women may not indulge in sexual overtures, but tatz worse, in order to vent their frustration, they act like buxom bitches!- a lotta women on top(literally n otherwise) treat their male/female subordinates with an unfound vanity/agression! remember sathyabama from sathyabama???

d)So what do you do about this category? Face them n fuk their happiness!! Today, a woman has a helluva lot of security n empathy! One word n a sadistic perpetrator's balls cud get squeezed!

e)Pepper spray is a great idea, but never walking alone in zoze unguarded streets is an even better one!

f)I faced a minor rape attempt at the age of 12. I never told me dad immediately, cos i was afraid it was my mistake! Yeah it WAS my mistake! If I'd told my dad immediately, he'd 've really bashed the 60 year old drunken omani bastard!

g)i DUN UNDERSTAND YA 'WHY ME' PHILOSOPHY!
Shit happens to everyone, so dun consider yarself alone!
Ya jus need friends, tonza women /men with similar experiences, pepper spray, yourself n a fuk alll attitude, n most imp, in ya case blog ventouts to get it out!:)

P.R.E.E.T.I said...

@lambuchops: ah!empathy atlast...thnx!countin all the votes, i conclude tat runnin away ws definitely wise...nt so ashamed afterall nw!

@janie: no more why me... :D for anythin ;) :D muah!

Vishravars said...

Exception may not be examples as your prof. said, but they as little valuable as to understand the problem, feel sorry for the poor bald & sexy (for the attitude problem) and leaving a comment which is of no big effect to a person who is capable enough to handle these buggers.

The Techno Maniac said...

and yeah.. we anyways dnt talk much these days [:X] so i wont be affected..

You're a feminist.. feminist to the extreme.. if exceptions are not examples.. wat are they? jokers??

You ought to be careful in this era , not to emphasize an equality of the sexes that leads women to imitate men to prove their equality. To be equal does not mean you have to be the same..

Not all the men are the types you've met.. Our society is improving and growing.. Look at the big picture..

PREETI said...

@vish: yea ur rite... pity them really...guess iv gotten over it pretty ok nw...

@techno: u cn mail bk u know :p wudnt hurt...

n the feminist part..?u knw im gna deny it, so no further arguements! :P

upecmustang said...

you could try wearing a t-shirt that says "I aint easy, i ain't sleazy, im 'fergalicious"!!!
or smthn like...dont come near me, i bite...!!
or "refer to the back of the t-shirt"!!
and on the back u cud have "growl"
go creative and bold and whip every lunatics ass who tried to mess with you. that way u cud be a "formidable foe" lady!!
rawk on!!
ps. im using a lot of exclamation marks these days so as to make sure that my tone isnt taken negatively, so all cool ryt?
peace!! love!! respect!!
Mustang!!!
cheers!!!