I-Want-To-Break- Free!

Im sure all of u have gone through this phase where u juz wish u could get away from thingz around u....I certainly am there right now!!! I hate decisions n I juz realise I suck at them....All along i've never really had to do much of decision-makin (thanx to my papa dearest!) Educational decisions were pre-made for me...all i had to do was go ahead n study...So in that fashion, i sailed through 4 years of engineering,then another 2 crappy years of Post Graduate Diploma in Business Administration, specializing in finance (special emphasis on the expansion cuz of the preceding adjective 'crappy') n now im at that threshold where i've gotta take a career decision.....Trust me, i've got N.O. clue as to what i wanna do...on one side im an instrumentation engineer...n then i also have an MBA in finance....n i've juz cleared my jap level 3 [im usin this opportunity to show this off ;) ].....n i love fashion designing n art n anythin creative..so....now i gotta chose a career in.....................??!!!!!!

I believe in destiny...n so i kinda feel that i will be where i've gotta be...but then therez this unstoppable wave of "peer pressure" tat does not lemme be! how i wish life wasn't all about gettin the rite job....i wish i could've juz been given that chance to do wat i wanna do....though i dont know what that is, i probably would've if i did have the chance...!!

I feel incomplete...n am not satisfied bein where i am right now....somethinz amiss n i juz cant figure out what that is....I have this innate urge to do somethin whacky...juz do somethin radical....a tattoo???piercings???been there, done that....i'd ofcourse love to get some more....but then i face the risk of bein homeless cuz im sure my dad would want me off his property ASAP!I wanna take a vacation to some far off place.....a Holiday[ like 'The Holiday'] that would let me get a new perspective of life....relax under the sun, sippin a granita....or be in the midst of a real avalanche, rather than an emotional one! Oohhh!i could juz go on n on!

I dont dream of makin it big or bein the next biggest thing in history...but i wanna do soemthin diff...somethin creatively satisfyin that would keep me goin....suggestions anybody????? :)

Im sure things would clear out soon....cuz my life till now has alwayz been a set of phases....each phase, crazier than the other, formin tat formidable past that effaces ever-so-often in the present....n everytime this happenz, i cant seem to get this famous line by Queen outta my head....I-Want-To-Break-Free............

Every Man for Himself....

This is juz for u andu....the font size i mean! i hope this one is gonna be easy on ur eyez....though im not too sure the pink would change...Anywayz, as alwayz itz been a while since i blogged....i somehow feel the need to get inspired to actually write in...n today was one such inspirational day :) Continuing on the same philosophical streak i began with, Im gonna share with all of u (by all i mean u poor lil thingz whom i COAX to read my blogs!) my new theory of Every Man For Himself.....If u've heard this before, ignore it...for noone...n i mean NOONE,can preach wisdom the way i can ! ;)

I hv started believin tat Companionship is highly over rated....Yes, it IS amazin to have someone around to call ur own i guess....but who could be better than urself to actually know u better???i've lived quite a long part of my life (all of 22 1/2 yrz) believin tat we should alwayz GIVE to GET....now dont get me wrong here....givin isn't wrong...but not one-sided crazy givin! Bein there when needed, forgivin even though raw n hurtin...in simpler terms- Bein a Livin D.O.O.R.M.A.T in-the-flesh! This stuff really doesn't make the other person sit up n notice u...it juz makes them take u for a ride! n that ride is initially good, trust me....u can call it,The magic carpet ride!!!u get to literally see a WHOLE NEW WORLD (courtesy: Alladin) n then the fall....that rock-bottom plunge that rudely reminds u that the heady rush of wind is gone...that suddenly, even though u give n give n give....ur not gettin....it may not be right to expect in return...but thatz for the saints man....itz natural n human to expect....so when u start feelin miserably low n whiney about not gettin enough, itz juz abt time to LET GO!... the revelation that follows is really amazin....atleast to me it has been thatway.....

I realized tat Friendz r amazin people....parentz r SUPER people....n my sis (Buj, ill ALWAYZ, ALWAYZ love u....n ur alwayz, alwayz my only true confidante) juz ROCKz...n im ever so thankful to be surrounded by all these people who make life worthwhile....BUT....(yes, all good things have a BUT(T), pun intended....) I also feel that the only way u can really be happy..?... is to understand urself...the way noone has understood u....juz do a bit of introspection....n u will see that inspite of havin so many people around u...ur only true companion is u...n it isn't all tat bad after all...! i seriously do enjoy my own company nowadays....[dont worry guyz, im still sane...atleast I think i am :)] I can make or break my life...itz I whoz gotta decide what I wanna do...itz I whoz gotta decide who I wanna b with....so make best use of wat u've got within u, rather than waitin for someone else to tell u wat u've got...rather, what u haven't!

Before I end, I'd like to clarify....i dont mean to say that u dont have to give at all or that u must be mean to people in the process...juz that....everythin must be done in moderation...dont over-do the givin....itz gettin u nowhere really...when thingz go bad n ur down in the dumpz...everyonez gonna go their way cuz...in this world,people, itz Every Man For Himself....(as seen through the eyes of a cynic)

Life....is a Perishable Commodity....

Dont ask me WHY i wanna write abt this.....sometimez, the most weirdest of thoughts pop-up and i find this urgent need to pen them down....this is one such moment...juz sittin down...gettin Oh-so-bored with life around me....power failure on one side, crappy tv programz on the other....i get online lookin for solace...n well...NOTHIN!such boredom is dangerous...since it letz those crazy thoughts come in....i decided to probe a bit....probe into those deep dark areas i wanna forget.....the forbidden P.A.S.T*....past relationshipz have taught me never to fall.....to alwayz get up n move on even when battered....the more harder u fall, the more effort u must take to get up n walk....if u can do tat,well,uv juz mastered the art of livin! Anywayz, considerin this is not about philosophy, lemme get to what i was tryin to say....While gettin into one such dark area*...i realised the ironically humorous side of the homo sapien.....here i was starin at the "orkut" scrapbook of someone who has left this world n passed on to eternity(God Bless Him) n i was amused to find new scraps since the last time i saw it....some sayin sorry for tiffs tat had happened,1 sayin....'hey, thought of u today :) ' n another who happened to stumble across the profile n expressin how weird it is that he didnt get to do this earlier.....I found it funny, but i couldn't resist writin in....Knots in my stomach, cold shivers runnin down my spine, I sat wit an eerie anticipation that the message would somehow reach..thatz the irony i was talkin about.....i may sound cliche when i say u 'u never realise the value of somethin around u till itz gone' but tatz all i could think of then...u blink n the momentz gone...thatz how each day seemz to pass.....the smaller things in life r ignored....itz juz all about turnin dreamz into reality....im not disregardin that....thatz important to feel secure, but itz time we stopped, looked around n try to take time out for those whom we dont wanna lose....those who need us...the benefits,trust me, are mutual.....n then therez alwayz the aspect of karma...B good n get good :)

I dunno if the message would even reach him (yea, i did actually believe it would), but i felt a lot better.....like the albatross around my neck was unwrung...n trust me people, it feelz amazin....juz to reach out...one time....one last time.....n then slowly realization dawned on me- Life, guyz, is afterall a perishable commodity......