City City Bang Bang!*

Finally, it's out! Pardon the delay, I was just not in the right mood to write. This one is gonna be long, so, pardon that too!Anyway, let's start off with the basics trip details:

Locations: Ernakulam -> Munnar -> Thekkady -> Kumarakom
Total distance to be covered: Close to 600 kms
Time available: 5 days to be exact.
Mode of transport: Chennai -> Ernakulam => Train, To everywhere else => Qualis
Company: 2 couples and 1 stag. Total fun material.

After a 12-hour train journey to Ernakulam (11 hours of which we slept) our white Qualis met us, along with Raju- our guide cum driver. I, keeping up with tradition, was the back-seater. Which in this case was so not cool. Which meant having American Tourister trolleys for company and being the official supply cabin of the vehicle. Which also meant that it really didn't matter if I had motion sickness, I just had to hand over whatever was required whenever required. More fun material!

Destination I: Munnar
Temperature: For a Chennaiite, just the right temperature to be turned into a human popsicle.
Ok, embarassment time. I have to confess my ignorance. I don't know why or how, I always thought Munnar was one of those beachy places with an abundance of sunshine. Somehow 'Munnar' just doesn't have a hill-station-ish ring to it, like say, Kodaikanal or Ooty. Thankfully, when I was just about packing my bags, Pp 'reminded' me to carry warm clothing. And the closest to 'warm clothing' I carried along was a couple of shrugs (For those uninitiated into women's-clothing, these are those small jacket-ish things that are meant not to cover anything but just be worn anyway. And oh, both of mine had holes all over).

The trip, though, helped me to discover another of my hidden facets - getting up a mountain makes me as sick as, uhm, someone sick (I should stop trying to use similies). I've heard a lotta people tell me earlier that they tend to feel nauseous when going up and blah, but I always thought I was that 'steel-body' kinds and nothing could affect me. And so through the entire trip, the only position I could be found in, in the car, would be curled- hugging the seat with my eyes tightly shut and that weirdly pukey, groggy expression on my face. But I guess the rest of the world in that car were oblivious to my discomfort. Every now and then I would hear someone go, "Preeti? What are you doing? Why so silent? And oh yea, pass me the water". And I would mumble something incoherently and they would go, "Always sleeping. Wonder why you came for the trip!" They should be thanking their stars I wasn't well enough right then.

To top it all, our 'resort' was located somewhere close to the tip of the mountain and the only other thing we could hear at night other than our own echoes, was the slow but constant zzzhhhhhhhh of the wind through the trees. And it was LOUD! Like each tree had it's own amplifier and 3-D surround speakers or whatever. I slept in between my parents (Fine, I'm a killjoy, but in my defense, those noises were pretty eerie!) Dad fell sick and Dolz was puking through the night. So much for a 'relaxing' vacation.

We did do our share of 'sight-seeing' and 'photo-taking'. We even climbed some real high peak to spot a couple of 'wild-goats'! C'mon, they are goats!!! Incidentally, when I was passing on this 'just goats up there' information to the rest of the family, one of the officials out there happened to eavesdrop on our conversation and he immediately burst out, "It is naat justa goatsa madam! These goatsa are seen wonly here! Nowhere else in the entaayree warld you will see this, ok???So don't say 'just goats' ok??? Too bad for him I was just recuperating from the journey uphill. (My motion sickness seems to have been a blessing in disguise for a lotta people, huh?)

The rest was the usual valley, waterfall, echo point thing. I mean, what else could a mountain offer!? Yea, yea it was beautiful, picteresque and all that. Yea, every crappy picture of mine looked frame-worthy because the place was just so-damn-beautiful, but even excessive beauty could cause sore eyes! We were really glad when 2 nights after, it was time to head to Destination 2. I must say, you see one mountain, you've seen 'em all!

Destination 2: Thekkady
Temperature: Uhm, sunny but cold. Not too bad
We found Thekkady a lot better than Munnar. We reached around 12.30 pm, had lunch and wanted to check-in. But we were told by our driver that once we check in, we couldn't get out after 6 pm. We were intrigued and assumed it was because wild animals would be on their rampage or something equally exciting, but he confirmed it was nothing of the sort and had to do with political crap.

We were in a 'Tiger Reserve' with supposedly 45 tigers inside and we spotted anything but. Infact, I think all we saw (apart from killer insects) were 'Wild' Domestic animals. Like wild pig, wild buffalo, wild goats etc etc.

Me and Dolz were certain we spotted quite a large no. of UFIs here -Unidentified Flying Insects. And by large no., I mean LARGE. If in Munnar it was the noise that kept me awake, here it was the lack of it and the fear of waking up to an insect-infested body! (inspite of sleeping in between my parents!) Thankfully, we spent just one night and a couple of hours before that here.

Other stuff we did there was: Go on an early morning boat-ride (we saw a lone elephant somewhere in the distance, or so I think), watch a Kalaripayattu show (which was AWESOME really. Will try and post the videos), go to a wax museum (which had wax dolls of Mohanlal and Mammooty, which we got to know from the sign-post below. They also had aquariums and really ugly paintings on display), do a bit of shopping (for nothing really) AND do an elephant ride. This was good. Me, Dolz and Harsh atop Sankarankutty (who was anything but kutti, ie, small). A 30-minute ass-fracturing ride. But who am I to complain when I'm not the one with 200 kilos on top huh? Oh, there was also this absolutely adorableeeee 1-year old ele baby named Kannan. He was just soooooooo cute and naughty! He even caught my mum's saree with his trunk and almost did a mini Draupadi-sequence there, if not for his care-taker's rebuke. It left my mum giggling and blushing while my Dad was FURIOUS! Time now for Destination 3.

Destination 3: Kumarakom
Temperature: Hot, humid, sweaty
This is the Kerala I thought I knew. And also what I wanted to see. Coconut trees et al! We stayed on one of 'em house-boats (corrected thanks to xh). Pretty good actually. Even the food. We were really in for a surprise when the boys on the deck turned out to be really good cooks! And they made alllllll of our favorite mallu food - puttu and kadalai, pazham pori, Pomfret fry for Daddy - all of it.

I know I sound like I really liked it. I did, but not for more than a day. (Part of my liking was because I was thankful as ever to be on levelled roads and no hair-pin bends!) The initial ride across the back-waters was really nice. It even rained. But how long can you stare at a huge expanse of water!?? After a point, I was just yearningly looking at the land across. It was the thought that there was just another day to go that kept me going. But I must say, the best food and sleep that we had through the entire trip was here. (Ignoring the million mosquitoes and lizards)

Finally, it was time to get back. We pit-stopped at 2 beautiful temples - Chottanikara and Vaikom Sivan temple on the way to Ernakulam. There we met up with a couple of our realllyyyy close family friends from Bahrain and it was time for a lotta nostaligia. That done, we were all set for Chennai.

I realized that I'm a total city person. None of this wildlife, greenery stuff for me. It's all fine to a limit, but not more. I just love the noise and bustle of a city, the fast-life, the luxury- everything! I need to see people move around, not just still-life. I can get my dose of the nature stuff from Discovery& NatGeo, paintings and google and I'm totally fine with that! I'll put up photos shortly. Left them at home and didn't wanna put off posting this because of that. And oh, thank you for your patient reading. You asked for it!

Update! P.S: 1. *- The title IS a popular show on Radio City (as Scribblers Inc. pointed out) It isn't a coincidence, I used the name to express my love for the 'city' but I guess I should've included this attribution before :P
2. I've also come to the conclusion that most of you thought I had a good time. Well, I had an O.K time which definitely is not the same as good. This post was meant to be sarcastic but I guess a lot of it wasn't received. Anyway, maybe I should accept that (it sounds like) I had a good time!

Block and Tackle

Oh please, don't get silly, we are NOT gonna play games on my blog. You get that? Huh? Ok??

Uhmm, I'm sorry I snapped out like that. I have a reason - a proper, justified, totally-makes-sense explanation. The juices aren't flowing, the connection isn't there- it's short-circuited perhaps? Some evil person has put an evil hex on me, thanks to which, a strange something is wedged in between my thoughts and my fingers, thus breaking that connection, thereby resulting in lack of flow of thoughts. See how complicated I made that sound? See how I just used exactly 40 words to desribe what can simply be said in 4 words- I have writer's block. See how my mind is thinking 4 words but conveying them 10 times? You see???

I've been reading this over and over at many others' blogs- xh, Drenched, Busygurl - but I was always like,"Ha! Fat chance of that happening to me!" I guess I 'thought' a bit too early. And now the spell has started taking effect. Everytime I think of writing, nothing pops up! And I thought it was easy :(

It just doesn't feel right not to write. Thankfully, inspiration came in the form of a comment! In my previous post, C R D had mentioned How Relatives say the Darndest (read: nerve-wrackingly-annoyingest) Things. I found that sooo totally true and so I decided to write about a few such irrelevant dialogues spoken when there was absolutely no need for it to be spoken. (that's what irrelevant means right? Now you see what I mean???)

Situation 1: When Mom was in the ICCU after her Angioplasty, this one class mate of mine, who sadly lost his Mom to heart-attack a few years earlier, held on to my Mom's feet crying and said,"Aunty, meri mummy bhi heart-attack se hi mari thi". The word to note is "bhi". Thankfully, she was partially conscious and her knowledge of hindi isn't extensive. But she still managed to remember it a while later and ask me about it!

Situation 2: A Friend's wedding last week. Now, this is hearsay, for I wasn't there when this happened. Apparently a 'cousin' of the bride came upto her when she was getting ready for her big moment and told her,"Ippo dan paaka ponnu madri iruke (Only now you look like a girl). Much better than your dumb jeans and t-shirts in which your ass protrudes out". Awww, now isn't that just the sweetest thing to say???

Situation 3: A family friend's recent visit home. (Unfortunately) I was caught alone with the uncle, just when I wanted to catch some sleep. Nice uncle really, he was earnestly giving me advice on "How to Choose the Right Guy in 5 minutes - Arranged Marriage Style". Mom had gone out and happened to call right then and I gave the phone to Uncle to talk to her. And as they spoke, I guess she mentioned that Dad recently had a giddy spell for Godknowswhatever reason. An absolutely flabbergasted uncle said,"Oh! That isn't good, I say! Please ask him to get it checked, I say! Because, sudden fainting means either:
1. He has a heart problem
2. The brain stem has some problem and could result in haemmorhage
3. His spinal cord has some issue OR
4. Could be nothing.
So please be careful".(Did I mention he's not a Doctor...??) I'm surprised Mom didn't faint on the other end of the phone. (He started off the conversation by asking her why she sounded breathless and how sweating isn't good for a heart patient. He also successfully managed to undo 2 years of our convincing talks with Mum in just under 2 minutes, by telling her,"Heart attacks can come again. Blocks can come again. We are never safe". No comments.)

Situation 4: My Cousin's Class 12 results. A few years back I figured out she's dyslexic and even though the entire family would never get close to understanding the symptoms or her, I stopped asking/ advicing/ pressurising her to 'study'. And so when she got 63% in her 12th boards, I was bordering on elation because, knowing her, it really was no mean task. Heart of hearts I know she was happy with her results (basically passing) too but she couldn't obviously let it be known that she was content with just that much and so she had, no choice but, to cry. Right then, one of her paternal uncles called and said,"63%??? You won't get admission anywhere. And oh, your other cousin xyz got 94%. Bye." and he hung up. Encouragement was his middle name, by the way.

I'm not even claiming to be the Perfect Speaker in all situations or anything. Actually, not even close. The foot-in-mouth syndrome is common but I guess there are certain situations when extra-caution must be taken. If all of us just think before we speak (and that includes me), the World would be a better place to live in.

(You see how how I extrapolated a seemingly simple topic to World Peace..? Damn, I'm losing it. I rest my block)

P.S: 1. For those of you who didn't get my initial outburst, the title is a popular game/ event played at most school and college culturals.
2. Long time since I professed my undying love (on my blog) to BujiBoo, Pp and my Best Friends* - Robo, Janie, Satti, Prathiboo, Andu San, Ani, Rekoo etc. MUAH! *I've included only the Best Friends who read my blogs, the others are loved no less :) Ok, I'm nuts. I'm gonna shut up! :)

Work Culture??? Pah!

This is probably the only moment in (my) blogging history that I feel i should've maintained anonymity.

Why? Because I HATE my office and I'm gonna be all super-bitchy in this post and what if someone from here is reading it...? Hmm, actually thinking of it, I'm sure none of these stupid, sad-ass morons around me would even come close to understanding the meaning of blogging.

Why am I here then? I guess it was because my aunt recommended it and so once I got the job, I couldn't turn it down. Also, the pay is decent and then there's the proximity factor. Hardly 10 min from my house. I should've just listened to my Dad. He kept telling me NOT to take this up. But I was insistent, as always, for no apparent reason. First of all, work and me itself are like miles apart. On top of that, I need to work in a place like this. So much for career idu adu. I quit my previous one 5 months into it cuz of this. And it's just been 4 months here. So, Why this frustration?

Reasons:
1. I work in a 3-member department. 2 men & me. Both married, both cheap fuckers. And they have ego-clashes as to who the bigger fucker is.

2. No Freedom of Speech & Movement: There's just ONE girl in this entire damn office that I talk to. Which in itself is a first for me. As in, I generally tend to make friends really fast. But here, since I'm in a totally different department, interaction with others is low. And I'm not complaining because I think I already have too many friends to handle. Now, I sit in the basement and she in the 1st floor. There isn't a loo on my floor (Yea! Imagineee!!!) and so I need to go up everytime. When I do, I just stop over at her place and do the usual "Had lunch?How's work?I'm so boredddd!" talk that lasts all of 2 mins and get back to my seat. Apparently sometime recently, her boss asked her why I keep coming up and talking to her so many times!!! (For 3 l of water, 3 loo-visits is within permissable limits, right??)

3. They have like a fuck-all 'dress code'. You have to wear a dupatta. Even if it has a high neck and full sleeves. Apparently, there are people from local colleges who work here as well and so the precaution.

Corporate Culture - my fucking torn bamboo chappal! I know it probably isn't reason enough to quit, but I sincerely wish I could. I could just say it a million times over that I'm not meant to work. I should be having my own restaurant or boutique. I should be designing clothes and conjuring up delicacies rather than preparing tender bid documents! Ayo ayo, enna kodumai sir idhu! (Translation: Oh!Oh! What torture sir this is! As alwayz, effect lost in translation)

These are also moments when I wouldn't mind being married - as long as the Mister is loaded and I would be designated "Home Maker"! *sigh*

Silver Screen Debut...

So I had a pretty okay weekend. The usual Saturday-with-friends and Sunday-with-family routine. But this Saturday, in order to take out our pent-up frustrations (against ourselves) on ourselves, we decided to try self-torture techniques. This was suggested by, none other than, my adorable sister. And we actually agreed. We watched a movie called Tashan. Starring: Akki-bhaiya, Style bhai Anil, Slinky Chinky Saif and Size 0 Kareen-o.

Oh, I must tell you, this post is less of a critical review and more of an "Issued in the best interest of the public" warning.

Ok, so to start, I'm going to attempt 'classifying' the movie genre-wise. Is it a comedy...? Not even close, unless you find the usual Bhai-ised English funny. Is it an action movie? Not if you call the usual barn-blowing-up in the climax and hero-escaping-unscathed-with-heroine as 'solid-action' Is it a lou-story? Uhm, maybe, everybody seems to be in love with everybody. Saif loves Kareena loves Akshay loves Kareena who is also loved by Anil. Is it a tragedy movie? Oh yes, yes, YES! For the audience.And Yash Raj films. Is it an educational movie? Maybe, they teach you how not to speak Englees.

Ok, attempt failed. Next let me try and find a basic point to the entire story (from whatever little I did understand from whenever I was awake)

Attempt#1: Do not steal from the Bhai-log. Or you'd have to face his red-haired wrath
Attempt#2: Do not trust a (flat-chested) woman just because she wears revealing clothes
Attempt#3: Englees hamara Universal language nahi is.
Attempt#4: Never trust the one you love. Worse, never trust the one who loves you. She just may end up being the bad guy's childhood love.
Attempt#5: .........................

Ok, failure again. Forget it, guess I'd get into narrative-mode. Starting now.

Scene 1: Random car down a deserted desert. Hollywood-ish look. From the car emanates, alternatingly, some English song and Kabhi-kabhi-mere-dil-mein. The car swerves this way and that and finally catapults off the mountain and *splash* into water. Next shot: Saif. He bubbles something under-water about how he should've listened to his mother about something and blah blah and suddenly a gun is pointed at his head.

Flash-back time. Saif is, keeping with the current times, a BPO-guyand a part-time English tutor. Enter heroine: Wet-in-the rain plus padded-bra minus the pads Kareena. Love at first sight. She approaches him and says she needs his tutoring help but it would have to be home-tutoring. Would he refuse the offer?? Never! Duet song by the waterfall beckons, afterall! Unfortunately, he discovers it isn't she who requires the tutoring but her Boss, aka, Anil dada. He has 2 pachyderm-look-alike assistants, you know, the dumb, trained to kill types, who add that extra humour (?) element.

All is well until suddenly one day, Anil lashes out at Kareena for some unknown, mysterious reason and she runs away crying. Saif, all angry and protective, asks her to leave her job and "mujshe shaadi karlo" dialogues follow. But she refuses, because she is bound to work under him as it was her "pitaji's karz". Master plot: They decide to steal money (Kareena receives the 'money bags' containing crores from Anil's 'Clients') from Anil, run away and live happily ever after. So now, Saif realizes he needs to apply for 'leave' from office because he's 'running away' (!) and so he goes leaving her alone at his place. As expected, he comes back to an empty room.

Scene change: Salwar-clad desi girl becomes Bikini-sporting babe and she warns noone in particular "Don't look at me like that baby". There's really not much of her to look-at unless bared ribs are an attraction. Anyway, this is the right time for the entry of Main Hero: 'Akki' Bhai. He's the bred-on-violence-Dada-doting Associate Baddie. His mission: To search hither and tither for the 2 perpetrators and kill them. Wish that was the way the movie ended, but nope.

Akki 'interrogates' Saif but to no avail. That's when Saif realizes,"She would have gone to Hardiwar to lay to rest her father's asthi". And the journey begins. It's too boring to even get into details. Lemme gist it out. So they find her and threaten her to give the money and all that. But she's one helluva clever woman ok? She's hidden the money in different locations all over India!!And so the journey continues. In the midst of all this, she makes an indecent proposal to Saif that they could still take the money and run away now. So, to take care of Akki, Kareena 'flirts' with him to make him fall for her evil vices (depicted by cutting off her jeans into the tiniest of tiny shorts, baring her legs etc etc).

Highlight scene of the movie: Akki and Kareena having a tete-a-tete over Daaru and snacks on a boat by the river. A teary Akki reveals his innermost secret- how he, Ullu Ram, lost the only girl he ever loved- Guddi. Second flashback: He was a bijli thief and she, the cute lil girl-somewhere-near-next-door. Minor squabbles leads to big-time love and he asks her out on a date by the banks of the river. He goes there and some people attack him for stealing electricity. He puts a knife into one guy's leg, thanks to which, he gets sent to prison. Gets out 2 years later to find Guddi missing. End of love story. He completes his story and looks up to find Kareena, eyes glistening et al. She jumps up and says,"Ulluram, Guddi is I"! in not-so-poetic words. Yes, REALLYYY!!!!!

The rest of it is obvious. They join hands and decide to end Anil Dada's life in Tashan (style). And how! Our very own Bebo does a Kill Bill Uma Thurman-ish sky diving attack on Anil and pierces her long sword into his chest screaming "Aarrrrggghhhhh". The scene is unbearably gruesome, uh not the killing, but Kareena's contorted face!

Bad guy dead. Good guys live on. End of movie. End of post.

Here, this Crocin's for you.

Note: If any of you has seen the movie and liked it, please leave your contact number as a comment. A fellow hiphop-ian suggested rifle-shooting as a hobby and I'm planning to enrol. I'm not too sure yet, but I guess we would be required to bring in our own targets and I'm certain you could be of some assistance. So please, don't forget.

MiSSiN' LoVe!

Song to perfectly describe present state:
"I've been wandering up n down the house
Wonderin what the hell to do!
............(irrelevant lines)
Ah, this is torture, this is pain
It feels like I'm gonna, go insane
I hope ur coming back real soon
Cuz I don't know what to do,
Chorus: Baby when your gone,
I realize I'm in love
Days go on n on
N the nights just seem sooooo long!
Even food don't taste that good
Honey, doing what it should
Things just feel so wrong
Baby, when ur gone"

by Bryan Adams

The house is silent. (Almost. Faint sounds of Mallu comedy, thanks to Dad, fall on my deaf ears) Me...?I lay sprawled on my bed staring at the fan go round n round n round n round n....you get it. My heart feels like it would explode with emotion. It feels heavy. Bereft. I never knew it would be so hard. I thought I could brave anything. But, this...this is difficult.

I've lost track of time staring at the empty space before me. The space 'he' occupied. Me and him would sit for hours on end, staring at each other, not speaking a word. A million images, a myriad of colours would flash before us. And I would laugh, cry and more with the stories he spewed on me. My constant companion. At times, my only companion. He didn't have to go now. Especially not now. When I needed him the most.

I'm low. Freaking, totally, absolutely, all-time low.

Oh yes guyz, the unthinkable has occured.

My TV has stopped working.

P.S: I really hope it's coming back soon. Pray.